B. Rachel. Lennon. Holden.

Holden

2012-01-29T20:06:00.000-08:00

This photo is priceless... thank you Sheree.

Holden.

I can't get enough of this little guy. This picture just says it all. He is truly the happiest kid on Earth. I really do think he really wanted to be here and he really appreciates life and every breath. He is always teaching me. Strange how such a little guy can teach me so much.

I.Love.Him.

I am so grateful for my boys. I think about this experience (being away and in law school) and I feel so blessed every day to have them BOTH in my life. Lately I have felt extra gratitude for my little miracle and I never want to forget what a miracle that was. I took Holden to the pediatrician out here for his 18 month shots and it is always so cool to hear the doctors response after I tell them Holden's story. They are always blown away.

Holden is progressing so well. He has seen all his development doctors out here and they tell me he is testing a month in advance. Such good news. His heart has normal function and has been off the meds since October.

He loves his brother Lennon. They wrestle all day long. Holden has the best gut-wrenching laugh. You can't help but laugh when you hear it. He says Mommy and dada, Uh-oh, ahhhhh (when he is hungry he opens is mouth and says ahh. So funny), he eats all day long, says dog, ball, etc. He is on the normal growth chart and is hitting 35% for both weight and height and of course 98% head.

If I could have seen this post two years ago I probably would have passed out. I never imagined I would be so blessed. I hope I will never, ever forget what a real blessing this guy is to our family. I am grateful for him and that trial.

Holden... you are the BOMB buddy.

buddies for life

2012-01-21T12:37:00.000-08:00

com·pa·dre (km-pädr)

n. Chiefly Southwestern U.S.

A close friend or associate; a companion.

2011 in review

2012-01-19T11:47:00.000-08:00

I have been a major slacker with a capital M. I am motivated to keep this blog up better thanks to my in-laws for my new camera. It makes it easier. Anyway, 2010 came and went. It really did fly by. This last year was awesome. So much better than 2010. :) My family is HEALTHY and that is a blessing. Here are some pictures of the past year. So much change has happened. This is just the tip of the iceburg.

Enjoy.

January:
Lennon and Holden enjoying the cold weather in Alpine, UT.

February:
B turned 30!! I was thinking of getting him a toupee' and a Mazda Miata convertable. Maybe next year old man.

March:
Spent a good amount of time up in Bear Lake at our Cabin. Such a blast.

April:
NICU visit. Holden has progressed more than we ever expected. He is right on track. I love these ladies.

Easter!!

May:
Enjoying the nice weather at the park with family

ZOO!!
{Lennon looks a tad uncomfortable... oops}

June:
Holden turns ONE!! What a great celebration. I wasn't so sure I would get this lucky. Man do I love that little nugget.

July:
Lennon turns THREE!! He is the best big brother and a mini-me. Not so sure I like it but hey... could be worse!!

August:
Moved to Naples, Florida for Law School. We love it here and feel so spoiled.

September:
Bob and Dorothy came to visit! It was so much fun having family in town. We love them so much!

October:
My best pals paid me a visit! This was one of the best days of their visit. I almost killed myself along with my precious cargo. Well worth the laugh though :).

Can't forget Halloween. Wayne and Garth. PARTY ON WAYNE!! SHAAAAWING!!

November:
Camping with the best of the best at Keeywayden Island. Seriously one of the best memories ever.

December:
Visit to Utah. So awesome to see family and friends. We got to go to Bear Lake for a week. We love it up there. Mostly love the "grown-up sleepovers". So fun.

Can't wait to see what 2012 has in store for us. We have really been enjoying our little adventure and are so grateful for our family.

Life is good.

Cheers to 2012!!

Bobert and Dotty

2011-11-18T06:29:00.000-08:00

** for some reason I am having problems with my blog. That is why you all haven't heard from me in a while. Hopefully I will figure it out soon. Driving me nuts.**
Grandma and Grandpa Bobert and Dotty came to visit! We were so lucky to get to spend some time with them. Lennon was in pure HEAVEN the whole time. It really made me miss home and I am so excited to come back and see them again.

The first day we went to a place called Corkscrew Sanctuary. It was awesome. It was just a big tropical swampy area with a walk way all the way through. We were able to see some cool birds, some crazy bugs and even a baby alligator. In the middle of our little excursion, we got to experience a Florida rainstorm. It DUMPED rain. It was actually really refreshing and luckily there were a bunch of shelters along the path. The rain came and went and we had a great time.

We got to do a lot of things we haven't done yet... like the ZOO! Lennnon and Holden loved it. Grandma and Grandpa spoiled that guy. So cute. Lennon loved being able to feed the giraffe. Pretty cool.

Holden just doing what he does best... chillin.

We got to enjoy the beach for a day. It was much needed. So relaxing and the kids loved playing in the sand with Grandma and Grandpa.

Bob and Dorothy treated our little family to a sunset cruise. It was awesome. We almost didn't make it, which wouldn't have been that awesome, but luckily with my fast driving we got there just in the nick of time. :) It was so pretty.

Our family really enjoyed having company. It was so lonely when they left. Lennon woke up ready to go into there room and jump in bed with them, and when he opened the door and noone was there, he was heart broken. We love our Bobert and Dotty! Please come and see us again. :)

L.I.F.E. as we know it...

2011-09-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

Pretty much, this is my life.

If we aren't at the beach, we are at the pool.

~I love it~

Nielson joined us. He made a hole to burry Lennon and Lennon wasn't having it so we burried him. Once we got him burried I grabbed a sandwich and started throwing pieces of it around Nielse's head. The birds loved it... so did Nielse.

Sheree, yours truly, Sam

Sheree and her sweet little Aubrey

Sam with cute Baya

P.O.O.L.

Holden loving the pool, and the camera. Such a sweet little boy.

Buddies

Lennon.

*** scroll down***

Another new post.

Also, stay tuned for Grandma Dotty and Boberts visit. We had a BLAST!!

EverGlades

2011-09-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

The other day B and I headed out with some good friends to the Everglades. It was our first time and we were excited. Our goal was to see a few gators... and folks... we saw exactly that.

I love how in the picture above, Lennon is so focused on that gator behind us. He was terrified out of his mind. He couldn't even look for a split second for a picture. I guess it is a good thing the kid is scared of one thing.

Our little visit to a podunk gator museum. No lie, the owner was cleaning his gun out front, right next to a crock pot of something amazing I'm sure. I knew it would be a winner after that.

What a cute kid he is.I love him.

All in all it was a good adventure.

Glad we did it!

{joy} School 2011

2011-09-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Isn't he handsome?

It was a tad bright. Hands to your eyes like goggles and problem solved.

Me and My Buddy.
{he got homemade bread from school and couldn't even resist.}

He loved his first day of Joy School. They learned about the letter 'A'. He actually learned something and loved it. I am so glad we decided to do this. It is hard to believe we are actually starting to do this {above picture}.

Time flies.

Hogle ZOO

2011-09-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

5.3.2011
Hogle Zoo

Here are some pictures of our adventure to Hogle Zoo. Farrah and I took the kids up and had a blast. I just got to see these pictures and had to post them. My camera has been dead for a long long time.

Enjoy.

I miss those little kiddos... and of course their mother. :)

This was a fun day. We are so lucky to have amazing family. Lennon is so excited to see his cousins again.

I don't blame him.

labor day

2011-09-08T17:50:00.000-07:00

This year labor day was unlike any other. We enjoyed the sun and beach with a bunch of our good buddies. I don't know if it gets much better. Infact... they are such good buddies that they {sheree} took some amazing photos of my kids. I am waiting on my camera's battery charger. It should be on its way. In the mean time enjoy these little guys, cause I sure do.

note: Holdens gap. amazing.

My kids could swim and play at the beach all day. It is the greatest. We love Florida and couldn't be more stoked. B is super busy {except he did come to the beach with us on Labor Day} and learning a ton. We both feel so blessed to be where we are. Naples is amazing and so are the people. Lennon still says he misses "home" {Alpine} and so do I, but we couldn't be happier about where we ended up {I mean look at those photos!}. Today he said, "Mom, can we go to the airport?" translation: "Mom, can we go HOME now?" Kind of sad but he soon gets over it. There is just something so great about living near your families. I am so grateful for my family. We love and miss you all!!

-Life is good!-

Happy Labor Day 2011!!

this little nut...

2011-09-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

Today I was at a friends house and Lennon and her litte boy were her bedroom and Lennon said...

Lennon: Is that your mom? {pointing at a picture}

Brady: Ya.

Lennon: She is Bootiful.

Then they giggled and continued to play.

Unreal. I thought I was going to die. Love that little grom.

Another funny thing happened today with him.

We were at the dinner table and Lennon was sitting accross from me.

Lennon: Mom! Pull my finger!

Me: {Pulling his finger}

The rest is history. :)

He is getting too old and is 100% boy.

Boy oh boy do I love him.

Happy 3rd Birthday Lennon!!

2011-08-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

*better late than never*

Before moving to Florida we celebrated Lennon's 3rd birthday with everyone he loves best.

I made two ghetto cakes... one for Holden, and one for Lennon. Don't judge.

Holden enjoying his cake. This kid can pound food. So great.

Lennon and Rohen

Peace.

Grandma and Grandpa Nilsson.

Bobert and Dotty.

Lynn, Amber and Milo.

Jake and Jamie.

Grayson. Cute little guy.

B and Chad

Becs.

Mayci jo.

Lennon's best buddy. Christoph.

Two trouble makers, Ridley and Logan.

Spence and Asher.

Grandma and Grandpa Hofheins

Lennon was so spoiled. What great family and friends he has. Really. I think that was the best day of his life. He still talks about his birthday.

Lennon buddy... You are three!!

I can't even believe it. You are the funniest little three year old I know. Once you have warmed up, you love the stage. You are all boy. You love sports and you know how to play almost all of them. You love your brother more than anything in this world. What a gift that is. You are so smart. The things you say crack me up. I am lucky to have you as my best bud. I love you and I am excited to watch you in this adventure called LIFE.

Cheers to three years!!

** more on Florida later... I promise.**

we are here...

2011-08-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

We made it!

Florida is good. Things are crazy but good. B started school, I got us moved in and now trying to settle ourselves. I will post a lot more later this week, but just so you know, we are here and life is good.

XOXO

Holden is ONE!!!!

2011-07-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

Holden is ONE!!!

I know this is a tad late, but better late then never. We are celebrating Holden and Lennon's birthday tomorrow (tomorrow already come and gone, but I am just going to pretend I am on the ball) but I thought Holden deserves a post of his own. Honestly I can't believe this guy is already one years old. He sure threw us for a whirl. I am so glad things worked out the way they did. I remember when I was in the hospital not knowing what the outcome was going to be, it was so hard to imagine me being able to bring my baby home. I didn't want to go there only to let me down in the end. I do remember one day when I let myself go there... Farrah was there and I was having a rough rough day. I remember explaining to her (in complete tears), "what if I have this baby and I can take him home and we get to celebrate his first birthday? If that seriously happens, I want to throw the biggest party ever." Honestly, I wasn't so sure that was going to happen. If I could have seen this post one year ago I would have probably passed out.

What a miracle.

This is Holden's diapers just one year in comparrison. The one on the right is seriously the size of a cell phone.

I have seen and changed a lot through this experience and the best part about it is I keep seeing and learning things. Holden has taught me more about myself then I ever thought possible.

The day after Holden was born.

Just going through pictures of the last year it is hard to believe that it all really happened, and better yet, that we have the outcome we do today. It is so humbling to look back and realize how blessed we are.

Holden with his monkey (thanks chris and azy!). I can't believe the comparrison.
** another note: B just buzzed his head. :)

Holden is the sweetest baby around. Really he is. He honestly has been sweet since the first day he was born. I remember being warned by all the NICU staff to watch out cause he will soon get an attitude. A lot of long term NICU babies become pretty fussy and stay fussy. Holden is not fussy. He is just the opposite. He is so happy and is so mellow. Sometimes I forget he is even there. He loves to hear himself talk. You would never know he had small lungs. The kid has a wide range. :)

Take one, two and three...

Final take.... and STOKED!!

B and I took Holden out for a little dinner and let him polish a cupcake for his birthday. We knew we would have a party for him sometime but we had to do something on his birthday. He loved every minute of it and so did I. This day will forever be remembered. It was definitely no ordinary birth.

Lennon and Holden (I think their heads are the same size. Awesome)

This picture above says it all. Lennon's best bud. I can't help but get emotional when I see that. I can't help imagine what life would be like without my little angel. Holden worships his brother and I think the feeling is mutual. I know without a doubt that Holden knew Lennon prior to this life. I think Lennon is probably the reason Holden fought so hard. Their connection is something I haven't ever seen. It is REAL. I am so grateful for that.

Holden buddy, you had a rough start. You went through the unthinkable and now look at you! You are a healthy, happy little one year old. Although this year has been hard, I wouldn't change a thing. You fought some crazy battles and I am so grateful you are as tough as you are. I think you knew we needed you in our family.

I truly have seen the Lords hand in my life and I am grateful for that. I have also seen an amazing miracle and I am so blessed to be the recipient of that miracle. Holden, you have changed me to the core. I love you always and forever little guy. Can't wait to celebrate many many more birthdays.

Holden's One Year Stats:

Weight: 18.4 pounds (3%)
Height: Can't remember :) (5%)
Head: 98% Just like his brother. Massive Noggin!

Happy Fathers Day

2011-06-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

Usually when I put Holden down for sleep, it is no problem. I just lay him in his crib, turn on his mobile, give him a blanket and bottle. Tonight was different. He was a little fussy and just wanted to be held. As I sat back and looked at him russeling around in his crib a flood of emotions came over me. I of course grabbed him and gave him a squeeze and laid him on my chest to sleep. He quickly nestled in and was out. I was looking at his sweet face and thinking how blessed I am to have this little boy in my arms. Healthy and ALIVE.

It was fathers day last year when Holden decided to grace us with his presence. I think this day will always be a special one for our family. I remember praying just to hold off one more day. I didn't know what the outcome was going to be, but I didn't want to risk a tragedy on Fathers day. I didn't want to ruin this day forever for B. Holden and God had other plans. He came and what an amazing gift that was.

B you are lucky to be able to share your day with such a sweet and unbelievable miracle. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I was worried for you. I truly didn't want Fathers day to be a nightmare forever. I remember looking at you, scared out of my mind cause I knew it was time and you were so concerned. I remember your face perfectly. I remember your soft pats and small whispers of encouragement. I remember when you left the room during chaos. You were in your c-section garb. I knew where you were. Sure enough, I was right. You were in a quiet place, in prayer, pleading for Holden to have a shot in this life, and if he got that shot, you committed you would do all you could to raise him to the best of your ability.

What a father.

B I am so grateful for your faith. Lennon, Holden and I couldn't ask for a better dad and husband.

Really.

I hope you have a great Fathers day and we love you forever!

First time Lennon met Holden

Dad and Holden

Lennon and B... honestly, Lennon idolizes B.

**Holden is ONE tomorrow. Birthday post comin' right up!**

Vegas 2011

2011-06-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

Ladies Trip 2011!!

Here is a little view of our weekend getaway. It was amazing and we know it wouldn't have been possible with out our amazing significant others... so big THANKS!!

We ate in St. George at a cute little bakery our friends introduced me to {Chris and Azy}. Started the trip off on the right food with a good hearty breakfast. Food on vacation is usually all I care about. :)

Vegas here we come!!
After wandering the strip and shopping, we checked into our hotel, thanks again Shawn (he hooked us up with a free two night stay). Farrah and I were able to sweet talk the front desk and got a free upgrade to a two bedroom suite!! We were all so stoked.

It is kind of embarrassing to admit, but we spent most of our time at this lovely store. Man is it great. Bug and Becca especially loved it. :)

Little Miss Farrah finally got her well deserved pedicure. Me on the other hand, got a $25.00 toe nail paint job and a dislocated ankle all in the span of ten minutes. Impressive. :)

We got to meet up with some good friends, Lindsey and Justin Bowen and Chris and Azy Capua, and have a good dinner. It was so good to see our friends. It always goes way too fast. Can't wait 'til we are all in the same town again.

Good times were definitely had by all. The trip wouldn't have been the same without you all. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I am lucky to have some of the best ladies around me.

Sure will miss you all!

The End.

my little nug

2011-06-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

Holden.

This is a picture my cousin took of my little guy. Man is he cute or what?

Holden is turning one this next week. Honestly I can't believe it. I can't help to think everyday of where I was this time last year. Man what a difference a year will make. If I could have just had a glimpse of this guy, things would have been a lot easier. This time of year will always be a special one. It is a constant reminder of how much I love my kids and how blessed I am to have them. Man did we luck out.

**Stay tuned for his birthday post**

i tried.

2011-05-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight we were reading the scriptures and trying to teach Lennon a little something.

Here is how that turned out.

Me: Ya Lennon, like when you get scared at night {cause he gets scared now} you just ask Heavenly Father and Jesus to help you that you won't be scared, and you will be all better!!

Lennon: YA!! I won't be scared

{and with gun in hand}

And then I'll SHOOT Jesus!

Of course I explained you don't shoot people, and of course not Jesus.

Looks like we have a long road folks.

{Please don't get offended. He is two}

Easter Meester 2011

2011-05-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

Lennon coloring eggs with Alix and Kobie

Can't leave Holden out.

Easter 2011 was a hit. It was so much fun this year. Lennon is finally at the age where he is so stoked on everything. He loved hunting for eggs. He was a spazz the whole time.

Saturday, my whole family came over and ate lunch along with two easter egg hunts. One for the adults {with $$$$} and one for the kids. It was a blast. B and I have always sucked every year in the adult hunt but this year we decided to try HARD. :) We ended up getting $87 buckaroos!! Funny. My mom did way too much as always, but we love her for it. Thanks mom.

On Sunday we got to go over to Grandma and Grandpa Nilsson's house for our annual hunt and a nice dinner. Lennon was freaking out. He couldn't believe he got to do it all over again! I guess that is the perk of living near both sides. One thing we will miss when we leave. It was so fun to watch him with all his cousins.

Easter was great.

Thanks to mom and mom-in-law for making it so great.

Multiple post's below... trying to get caught up.

Spring has sprung... sort of.

2011-05-04T12:29:00.000-07:00

Nothin' like a day in the park with the whole {well not quite whole... but almost} Hofheins clan.

Fun.

NICU visit 2011

2011-05-04T12:02:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite people

Holden got to tag along with B and I on our anniversary. Thanks to Chris Hair, Lennon stayed home. Here is what chris said about his night with Lennon: "Last night: I got frozen with a freeze ray gun, tackled, played the part of Bulls Eye the horse, ate mac and cheese, built a fort, shot some bears and a mean shark, watched two disney movies, played soccer, played baseball, punched the punching bag, cleared out the monsters in the house, and had a solid dance party... best night ever." Needless to say, Lennon didn't want to come home.. at all. Chris... YOU-DA-MAN!!

Aside from that, B and I had so much fun. Holden was such a good baby. We went and got some dinner, shopped a little and then decided to go visit some of our favorite people at the NICU!!

-I am so glad we did.-

All three of the people I really really wanted to see were there! You really do have a special love for someone after they have literally nursed your child to life. These three ladies (among others) will always hold a special place in my heart. It made my whole week getting to visit them and show off my handsome Holden. I know he loves them as well.

All in all, our night was the best. I am grateful for B. I am grateful for what we went through almost a year ago.

I am grateful for my two HEALTHY boys!

cheers to five years...

2011-04-07T12:49:00.000-07:00

It has been five years since we sealed the deal.

Best decision ever.

B can you even believe all that we have done and gone through?

Who would have thought?

Love you.

XOXO

nine months already?!

2011-03-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it?!

I can't.

This guy is NINE MONTHS! I honestly can't believe how fast the time is flying. In a way, I like it. I want Holden to continue to grow and be healthy.

{plus,I am so ready for SPRING! get us out of the house!!}

Holden has been doing amazing. He had a check-up with his cardiologist a couple weeks ago and she was so positive. She told me his heart function was "totally normal". Man were those words music to my ears!

She is weaning him off his heart med and expects he will do just fine. I am so grateful for this.

Holden is honestly the happiest boy around. I don't know what it is with him but honestly he has the sweetest little countenance. He is rolling over and starting to sit up.

{this is pretty good considering he is really supposed to be 6 months.}

He is also eating baby food. Hoping he digs it. Lennon sure didn't.

He absolutely loves his brother. It brings me to tears sometimes watching them interact. I know Holden knows Lennon. He responds to Lennon differently then anyone else. It is quite the sight. Sometimes I think Lennon is the reason Holden hung on.

Their connection is undeniable. Really.

Speaking of Lennon...

{I found these pictures on my little sisters cell phone}

This guy is a real treat!

He is getting so old and independent. The stuff he says is amazing.

He can't really pronounce is L's which I think is the cutest.

{Don't worry, we're working on it}

The other day I was in the kitchen and Lennon was in the other room and I yelled,

"Lennon... I love you!"

Lennon: "I Yuv you tooo much mom!"

So great.

Lately he has been a little rat and been telling me to "go take a nap!" So he can get into things he knows he shouldn't.

Cracks me up.

Life is good folks. We couldn't be happier.

seasoned pro...

2011-02-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

He really is a seasoned pro! check out that stash ;)

Holden went in for his second (better be the last in his life!) needed surgery. They had to repair his little hernia. I guess it is pretty common in most preemies.

It was a pretty quick procedure. Doctors said Holden handled it like a champ. He was in and out of Primary's in four hours. What a blessing.

Holden we love you and are lucky to have such a strong kid in our family.

Thanks for hanging in there!

dude...

2011-02-14T14:32:00.000-08:00

While eating fries and 'sauce'...

Lennon: O! where did you get this dude?!

Me: (laughing) In and out. It's good huh?

Lennon: Yep.

Dude?! Really?

Funny.

dirty thirty...

2011-02-10T23:23:00.000-08:00

kinda creepy... but mostly amazing. :)

30 looks good on you.

Happy Birthday B!

We love you.

Cheers to many many more!

XOXO

Potty Training: round one

2011-02-09T12:35:00.000-08:00

All Lennon cared about was how amazing his Spiderman underwear were.

...

Maybe we will try again in three months.

Happy New Year!

2011-02-03T13:53:00.000-08:00

GOODBYE 2010!!

I really don't think I will miss you.

This year has been a life altering year to say the least. It really was one of those years that when it rains, it POURS.

It was early January when I rolled my car with Lennon in it. I think that is every mothers worst nightmare. Luckily we were protected and everyone was okay... except now we had to buy a new car and sell B's so we didn't have two car payments.

Bummer.

Just days after the accident I found out I was pregnant! So exciting. We were thrilled. Lennon would have a buddy.

At about ten weeks pregnant I began having major complications. My placenta had torn from the uteran wall causing me to bleed. I was put on bedrest, told not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk, and that my Baby had a 50% chance of survival.

I spent the next four months on bedrest at my Mom and Dad's house so they could help me with Lennon. There was no way I could manage a 18 month old on bedrest. What a blessing to have family close by.

One night I wasn't feeling right. I was about 22 1/2 weeks pregnant and I could tell something wasn't normal. I had a huge gush of something (now I realize it was my water, not blood) just hours before and I just wasn't feeling good. I called my sister-in-law that next morning and asked if I could come in for an ultrasound just to check out the babe. I wanted to make sure things were okay. Luckily she was working that day. I dropped Lennon off with his Grandma Dorothy, dropped Becca off at my house (Farrah, Becca and my mom were packing up my kitchen for me. Getting ready to move away for law school) and met B at the hospital.

I laid down on the bed and knew from the look on Shantel's face that something wasn't right. I was DEVASTATED. My heart dropped. She then explained that the baby had no fluid around him. That I needed to go to the hospital asap. B and I looked at each other in complete shock! My water had broke and I wasn't in labor. Kind of a lot to swallow. Shantel said she could see a heartbeat still. That broke me even more. I didn't want my baby to suffer. Before I left the room I asked B to give me a blessing. I don't remember much but I do remember he said, "the baby will feel no pain." That was all that mattered at that point. I didn't want my angel to suffer. I looked at sweet Shantel and could tell her heart was broken as well. We exchanged hugs and left.

The car ride down to the hospital seemed like an eternity. What is going to happen? Am I going to have to push this baby out right now? How do you bury a child? Can I even do that? Am I strong enough? Our minds were racing. I called my sisters and told them I wasn't coming back to the house. I explained to them that my water had broken and they can meet me down at AF hospital.

Before I knew it... there we were. Sitting in an unlit room in AF hospital. B, my mom, my dad, Farrah and Becca. Everyone with blank stares and nothing to say. I remember laying in that bed silently broken. Tears streaming. I remember looking at B's face and it was completely blank. I could tell he was broken as well.

The doctor came in and asked what I wanted to do. They could take me back right then and take the baby, or I could go home until I go into labor. I told her I wanted to do whatever I could for the baby.

So homeward bound I went. I ended up being home for three days and was re-admitted to Utah Valley Regional Medical Center for two more days. Just enough to hear all the worst case scenarios and horrific statitstics. I received anti-biotics and steriods for the baby and two days later I was sent home until the following week.

I still was not in labor and finally made it to week 24. I checked in to the hospital and was there for the remainder of the summer.

It was the most trying time of my life. I didn't know how to prepare for the inevitable. This baby was coming but with all the risks that came along with having him, I thought I was going to die. It was torture laying there everyday knowing what was eventually going to happen and just praying for, literally, a miracle.

It was Fathers day. I prayed my heart out that my body would wait at least until the day after. I didn't want to ruin Fathers Day for B forever. I realized I wasn't in control and it was time.

June 20th, 2010. Holden Lloyd Nilsson was here. 2 pounds 5 ounces.

What a joy.

He remained in the NICU until the first week of September. He shocked everyone with his strength. The doctors couldn't explain it. All they could say was that he was a miracle. Only ventilated for one day! What a stud.

We had some ups and downs but somehow remained strong. Someone was definitely carrying us through.

Lennon got to meet his brother and it has been bliss for him ever since.

B had to put off school and his life was turned upside down.

But, we were all here and healthy as a family.

Holden has changed us forever.

This last year was unbelievable. It has taught me more about myself then I thought I could ever learn. Although I say it was the worst year of my life... I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. It changed me forever. I know how to love more. I know how to REALLY appreciate. I want to be better everyday. I have a more complete understanding of God. I know I would DIE without my family, both sides. I know how precious life is. I am grateful for eternal families. I have a greater appreciation of trials. I know not to sweat the small stuff. I remember to say 'I Love You' more.

These are just few of the many things I have learned. I think this next year my resolution will be to never forget all the things I have learned this year.

Our family was blessed with a miracle and I am so grateful.

This next year is going to be life changing as well. There are plenty of adventures in store for our family and I am ready!

Cheers to 2011!!

Please be good to us :)

Merry Christmas!!

2011-02-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

I know it has been FOREVER since I have written. I need to start somewhere though. This year Christmas was amazing. B and I both decided it was probably the best one yet. This Christmas was so special. We were able to have BOTH our kids here to enjoy it. I think that was the best Christmas gift anyone could give me from here on out. Really.

...

Sometimes to get Lennon to smile I have to tell him to show me his teeth.

Lennon was amazing as well. He is right at the age where it is so fun. He loved opening presents. He really was shaking he was so excited. I didn't take a ton of pictures (which I regret) but I did get a lot of video. He was so spoiled this year. It was so fun to see him get so excited. I honestly would take that over anything.

Lennon stoked to be with "gwampa" shoveling the snow.

Dad and Holden. ( I blew it and didn't get a family pic. Guess there is always next year ;)

Christmas Eve we spent with my family and Christmas Day we spent with B's. We had a blast and feel so lucky to have such amazing family. We love you all and are forever grateful to have you in our lives. Thank you for making this Christmas extra special.

brotherly love :)

2011-01-20T09:21:00.000-08:00

I have so much to catch up on... I will be back with a post full of goodies. In the meantime... check this out. Holden love Lennon. I swear that is why he wanted to be here so badly. He already adores his older brother.

Honestly, there is nothing better!

Thankful

2010-12-12T21:53:00.000-08:00

Photo by : Toy Rabbit Photography (Laura Bule Trinnamen) love it.

I know this is about a month late... but better late than never.

I love this time of year because you can really reflect on what you are thankful for.

And I am Thankful for

My Family.

Man 0 Man...

we are so blessed.

Holden's Surgery

2010-11-18T18:57:00.000-08:00

Pre-Op

I think this photo is an all-time favorite. So great.

One week today we took our little angel to Primary Children's to get a little operation. I was a little nervous going into it, but did much better than expected. :) I just know my son is a strong little guy and he would do just fine. I just hated that he had to go through one more thing. Anyway, the doctors went in and did what they needed to do and we were there for three days total. Holden did extremely well. Doctors said he did amazing under anesthetics. That was what I was most worried about.

When I walked back into the recovery room I got to see my little guy. He was just laying in his diaper on this massive bed. He was coming out of anesthesia so he was still a little groggy. I didn't really like seeing him like that, but I knew he was not in pain and comfortable. It was nice to be able to scoop him up and cuddle him. He couldn't eat until about 32 hours later. It was hard but honestly he did much better than I expected. He really is so sweet. The nurses all quickly fell in love with him and couldn't even believe he was born so early. I love hearing that. Anyway, we finally got to come home on Friday. I was so so ready to come home and sleep in my own bed. One bit of bad news is that he is going to have to have another surgery. The doctor that removed the cyst also saw that he had a hernia. It is extremely common in premature boys. So we will be back in a little over a month and hopefully never again!!

We are lucky to have Holden in our lives.

We love him to the moon!

Halloween 2010

2010-11-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

my mime

Lennon: mime Me: mime B: guess Holden: skeleton of course :)

Becca and Chris

umpa-dumpa-do-pa-de-do

all the girls

Becs and I

Lennon. Random but added it for good measure.

Happy Halloween!!

This year was a good one. We had a good friend party on Friday night and Saturday lots of family, trunk-or-treat and tons-o-food. Really. I thought I was going to explode. I made donuts this year. It was quite the task to take on but it was well worth it I must say.

Lennon loved every ounce of this holiday. He couldn't even believe that people were just freely handing him candy. He was so stoked.

Lennon + Candy = one happy camper

It is bad. Really. Like he won't eat if it is not candy. We're working on it though. :)

Anyway, we had a great time and can't wait for next year.

Man I love the Fall.

PS. I did a multiple post. Update on Holden and other things below. :)

Introducing... Holden minus O2

2010-11-02T19:46:00.000-07:00

Can you even believe this cutie?! Sometimes I can't.

Holden has been off his oxygen for about a month now! He is doing amazing. I haven't updated in so long and feel so so behind. He is growing and thriving just as expected... or better then expected. Man we are blessed. Lennon loves him more than anything. God really knows what he is doing by sending me these two. It is a perfect combination. really.

As I have mentioned before, Holden has a cyst in is abdomen that needs to be removed. He will be getting it out surgically on November 10th up at Primary Children's hospital.

Before all of this, the doctor ordered an ultrasound to make sure it is still there and if it was, where it was located. I took Holden in and three doctors later they said they didn't see ANYTHING. I was shocked and though it was too good to be true. Well, sure enough, it was. I just continued to have this hunch that it was still there and wanted to get another scan done. I went back to the doctor and he ordered a CT Scan which is much more intense and accurate. Turns out they did end up seeing it and the doctor explained because we know it is there, they need to remove it. However, some people may be walking around with the same kind of cyst and never know. It poses more of a harm leaving it so I would rather just get that thing out and move on. They are going to go through the belly button with a scope, drain the cyst then pull it out and cut out part of the intestine and sew it back together. It is not too crazy of a surgery but because they are taking out part of his intestine, they want to keep him for a couple days... hopefully not longer.

Prayers for Holden would be much appreciated :)

Doctors say it is not a major surgery but there is always risks. I am just ready to put this behind us and move forward.

As for Holden's heart... it is functioning normal. The Doctor is very optimistic that he will just grow out of it and that will be the end of it. I am hoping the same. I am pretty confident she is right.

Other then those two things, he is right on track developing. The home nurse came today and weighed the chunk. He is....

11 POUNDS 8 OUNCES

75% percentile in weight for his adjusted age. What a stud.

Lennon is loving having 'little brother' home. Honestly we haven't had one bad moment with those two... yet. Lennon seems to understand that Holden is a special one and takes on the perfect role as big brother.

Man I love them.

I will keep you all posted on Holden's recovery next week.

Once again... maybe just a little prayer for my man would be appreciated greatly. :)

Hogle Zoo 2010

2010-11-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

W.O.W.

Doesn't get much better than this. Really.

'Show me your teeth Lennon!'

Hogle ZOO was a good time had by all. Really, it was a blast. It was a beautiful day, no people and a bunch of happy kids. It couldn't have been better. Lennon and Holden loved every minute of it. Holden chilled in his seat all day. What an angel.

EVANS!!!

2010-11-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

Nothin like a nice sticky popsicle and two cute babies shirtless. (are they babies? I think so.)

Lately Lennon, Holden and I have headed southbound to hang out with Farrah and her kiddos. Honestly, Lennon loves it. He can't get enough of Rae and Evan. When we pulled up to their house Lennon yelled with both arms in the air, "EVAN!!!". So great. He is finally getting to the age where he is able to play and interact with other kids without getting frustrated.

due date... and more :)

2010-09-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

Home at last.

It has almost been two weeks since we got to bring our sweet Holden home. Man what a good day that was. What is so amazing about all of this is that he left before his due date... 2 weeks before! When I was in the hospital, I was told, because of my situation that we would be spending months and months here if Holden made it past delivery. That was what I was prepared for. In fact, as silly as it sounds, that is what I was praying for. I didn't want to go through the other option. I wanted to ride the NICU rollercoaster. I remember when I was having a really bad day in the hospital my sister, Farrah, came to visit me. She knew I was struggling. I remember sitting in that room and sobbing to her telling her that my situation could end in two extremes... one, I could bring my baby home with me someday and be the happiest mamma on Earth, or two I wouldn't get that opportunity and my biggest fear would become a reality. I never really spoke much about my situation but this particular day I remember just repeating through tears to Farrah, "I want a baby so bad. I want him SO bad." I never really let myself go there just to be extremely dissappointed in the end. Just the thought of bringing Holden home was too much. I didn't want to get my hopes up.

So two months and a week later, you can only imagine the joy I had when I got the opportunity to bring this lump of heaven home to our family. The tears are streaming down my face. I am so full of gratitude. I got the opportunity to ride the NICU rollercoaster and Holden has beaten all the odds.

Man are we blessed.

finally coming home

September 2, 2010

Being home has been wonderful. A bit stressful, but amazing. Lennnon is adjusting so well. He really does love his "baby brudder". It was so cute, the other day I was laying in bed and Holden was in his bassinet next to me sound asleep. He had one arm peaking out of his blankets with his hand in a fist. Lennon came strolling in and I was faking asleep just to see what he would do and sure enough, Lennon put his hand in a fist and gave Holden stones. After stones he was yelling "high five! High FIVE! HIGH FIVE!!" Holden didn't get it apparently and Lennon was not having it. I had to tell Lennon that he doesn't know that yet but he can teach him,

So cute.

Holden has already seen most of his doctors for follow-up. He has kicked three of the meds he came home on and we will try taking his oxygen next week. His heart function is perfect! Doctor says that everything looks normal. Growth, beat, contractions, etc. Phew! Such a relief. She is the one who cut his meds and said she wants to take him off the oxygen next week.

Holden does have a duplication cyst on his intestine that will need to be removed and he will be at Primary Childrens for a few days just to recover. It is a minor surgery (i've been told :) so hopefully all goes well. The strange thing about both his heart and that cyst, it they are NOT premature related. He would have had those regardless and it may have been worse had he gone full term.

Another blessing.

Holden's eyes are perfect and need no follow up.

His left ear passed his hearing test while his right one failed due to retaining fluid. The doctor said it is a good sign that he passed in the one side. I am not worried about it. Especially since she checked for fluid in the right ear and sure enough... there was fluid. We follow up in a few weeks.

So far so good. Holden has blessed our lives more than we can even comprehend. I feel so blessed to have this sweet spirit in our home. What an amazing trial.

*Below are some pictures I have been meaning to post. Enjoy.*

We had to "room in" at the hospital just to make sure we were all good to go.

It was hard saying goodbye.

Linda was one of Holden's primary nurses. She was a true angel. I love her.

Lennon's first time meeting his "baby brudder".

Lennon and his eggs. He would rather step in them.

Lately we have been trying to teach Lennon to only color on paper. He doesn't listen.

Holden digs his new bed.

Before I brought Holden Home, Farrah and I took the kids to Thanksgiving Point. They loved it. I didn't :)

Maycie Joe

Amazing.

coming home!!

2010-09-01T22:39:00.001-07:00

I never thought this day would happen... truly.

Holden is coming home!

We are so excited, intimidated, nervous, happy, etc. As I am writing this B and I are in our little hospital room with our sweet baby boy laying next to us in his crib. What an angel. I can't even tell you how good this feels. I never thought I would be so lucky. I feel so grateful. This experience has been the most amazing, rewarding, challenging, spiritual thing I think I have ever experienced in my life thus far. The relationships I have shared will be treasured forever. We got the opportunity to meet a lot of amazing nurses and grew extremely close to them. They truly are angles. I know God knew what he was doing by sending them to me and Holden. We will miss them with all our hearts. They are special and will never be forgotten. I hope to keep in touch with them.

Holden is doing great. It is going to be busy bringing him home. Lots of follow-ups, medications, oxygen, no sleep, etc. I am so excited to have this opportunity. I really can't believe it. I know that this little guy is here for a purpose. He has fought a pretty intense battle to finally get to this point and he has shocked many people in the mean time. I feel incredibly blessed.

I love him.

He is the best and I am anxious to see how Lennon handles everything. I think he will be great. He is a sweet one. I will keep everyone updated on Holden's progress and I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and sweet thoughts. We really couldn't have done it without you. I know God is real. I know he is mindful of us. I am grateful.

Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.

**just a little side note**

Becca... I love you. I love that you have taken on the role of Lennon's second mommy through all of this. I am tearing up just thinking of all that you did these last few months. I know you sacrificed a lot by serving me and I don't think thank you is enough. You are young and should be out with friends every night, but instead you have been helping me so thank you and I love you. I hope I can repay you someday.

two months and some!

2010-08-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

**so I wrote this last week and didn't post it cause I wanted to add more pictures but I thought I probably should post it now and more pics will come soon!**

man-o-man

I sure need to update. It seems like so much has gone on and I have no time. I have been back and forth to the hospital twice a day now and it is crazy to say the least. We have been busy around here.

Holden is doing great. He is now two months and a week! I can't believe it has been that long. Time really has flown by. So much has changed since the last post. First things first, We have met with the Cardiologist twice now for his heart and function is.... drum roll....

NORMAL!

He is still on the meds but what a relief that things are normal. He didn't end up having Parvo. That was a false positive. Phew. I have a love hate relationship with false positives. The doctor is pretty optimistic that Holden will just grow out of that heart problem by his first year. Obviously she can't promise, but she anticipates that he should be just fine. I will be honest, I have been stressing about that so it has been nice to hear Normal function. I will take it.

He has also been moved to "nursery B". That is where they put all the stable babies that just need to grow. He has been there for a couple of weeks and doing great. Just one step closer to home.

Holden got his eyes checked a second time and they are normal. No eye problems. That is a big one.

His oxygen needs are now down to a quarter of a liter and may need to come home on a trace. He seems to be improving quickly.

He also got another brain scan and still no bleeds. What a great relief.

Holden is now on the "feeder grower" plan and is now taking his feedings three times a day orally. He has been doing great. Taking full feedings almost every time. Because he is doing so well with it, they say he has about a week!!! Can you believe it?! I can't. I am so so excited, but also sad. I have grown to really love his nurses and feel like they are family. It is going to be intimidating leaving but it will be so nice.

Holden also got to meet his big brother! It was hard to choke back the tears. There was just something about seeing the two of them together. Something I honestly didn't see happening. It was another testament of how lucky we really are. I feel so blessed. Lennon loves his brother. When he sees pictures of him he points and says, "Brother!" . So sweet. He got to hold him and rub his head and right before he left he gave him a little kiss on the forehead. Man I love that boy.

Holden now weighs

6 pounds and 15 ounces!!

He really is growing so fast. I love it.

So as you can imagine life as been great... busy but great! We feel so blessed and feel so lucky to have an opportunity to be with Holden. What a miracle. Truly. I pray he will continue to do well and keep surprising everyone!

In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of the past week.

This picture cracks me up... This is Holden's two month photo. I showed up one morning to find this picture on a poster made by Linda (one of our favorite nurses/people). It made me laugh for a good half hour. amazing.

Smile

So sweet.

All of these pictures were taken by the NICU photographer, Linda ;) We love her and are going to miss her

She was one of Holden's primary nurses.

6 weeks

2010-08-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

Holden graduated into a crib this last week.

What a big boy!

Look at those cheeks. Can't wait to kiss them off!

sweet little holden...

I can't believe it has been six weeks already. It really has flown by. Here is a little update on our little guy.

He now weighs...

4 pounds 12 ounces!

He is chunkin out big time. He has had kind of an interesting week. It is a long story but I will try and do my best to sum it all up. Holden was retaining more than normal fluid. He was starting to swell up a little so the Nurse Practitioner decided to start him on a diuretic to help release some of that fluid and then also get an ultrasound of his heart to see how that was. Turns out that in the ultrasound there was a little bit of fluid surrounding his heart. Because of that they continued the diuretic to release some of that fluid and they also scheduled an appointment for a cardiologist to come down and check out his heart. Well, the cardiologist came and found that his heart wasn't contracting as hard as she would like. She called it a "low normal". Because that is concerning she started him on a med that will help his little heart contract harder and in turn release some of that fluid. I asked her how long he would be on the medicine for his heart and if it was treatable and she said that he could be on it for a year and that babies usually do grow out of it. She explained that it isn't very common but she has seen it plenty before and knows how to treat it. That gave me a little peace of mind. I have sort of been a stress case because no one wants to hear that their baby has a heart problem, no matter how big or small, it is scary.

Well turns out that the cardiologist wants to keep Holden on that med for a year now because it is working so well. Within four days on the medicine they noticed a big improvement. I was shocked that he would need it for a year, but as long as he can grow out of it, I am fine. I am praying that he will be able to grow out of it. They ran a bunch of blood tests on him to see what the cause was. All of the tests came back negative but a couple. One was a low normal and not too concerning because they can supplement what he needs and it is no big deal, the other was a negative positive for parvo. They said that if he has it, he will most likely just grow out of it and it won't cause any real harm because it would have already done that and they would have noticed. His symptoms don't show that he has had any struggle. So they are running a few more tests to see if he has it or not. Either way, there is nothing they can do for it and I will have some answers as to why his heart has this problem. I am still praying it comes back negative. The strange thing about all of this is that Holden would have had this problem with his heart regardless, whether it be now or if he was born full term. In fact the doctors told me that it would have probably gotten a lot worse if he was born at 40 weeks. Crazy.

I am glad the medicine is helping his heart and I pray that it will continue to help him and that he will really grow out of this. It is an uneasy feeling but overall I think he will be okay. Other than his heart he is doing great.

He is starting to do non-nutiritive feeding {that is where you pump everything out before you breastfeed and just see if they can latch on}. Holden did really well. In fact he did so good that he was able to suck 9mls the third time we did it. I guess that is really impressive knowing that breast feeding is one of the hardest hurdles in the NICU. Holden handled that like a rockstar.

The eye doctor came and looked at his eyes and said they look great. Just a little premature but everything looks normal. Phew!

He has another appointment with the cardiologist this week just to check up on him. I am pretty optomistic at this point and I pray that she will be as well when she comes to check him out.

Thank you all for your prayers and please know we love them and need them.

We were told that Holden is out of the most critical time which is nice. I am anxious to see what these next few weeks bring. Like I said before, I pray that he can continue to progress. So far just one bump in the road and we are still cruisin. Please keep up those prayers.

Thank you and we will keep you posted.

{scroll down a little for Lennon's 2 year birthday post. Man I love him.}

Hi mom...

2010-08-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

its me...Holden. I need to tell you a few thing, but because I cant speak for myself, I have asked someone to help me out.

Mom...thank you.

Thank you for sacrificing so much of you...for me. Thank you for giving me life, and not giving up. Thank you for hanging on...all those days and night, alone in that room, but not really alone, cause I was there and so was Heaven. Thanks mom, for believing in Heaven. And believing in me.

Thank you for whispering to me, encouraging me, and promising me. Thank you for loving me so so much, without even meeting me. And for loving me MORE and MORE every time you look at me.

Thank you for being with me, and taking care of me. Thank you for being strong enough to leave me, with others to care for me, so that you can care for our family. I know thats hard. Thank you.

Thank you for holding me close...so close. Close enough for me to feel so safe, and loved. So close to hear your heartbeat - the beat that sang to me, that sings to me...peace. The very beat that feels at times it may burst, with the most intense love this earth has to offer...a mothers love.

Thanks for being so tough. So brave. For showing me how to have courage. How to be humble. Hopeful. Grateful.

Thank you, mama, for being so grateful for me. Im not perfect. I never will be. But I know in your eyes...I am...and always will be. I know you will always be grateful for me. Just to have me. Here. With you. With our family...our eternal family.

Thank you for your fight, mom. Your fight is my fight.

Please, mom, please know that our Father loves you and will lift you through this. Call on Him. Whenever you need. He is with you. He hears you. I know....because I hear Him. Everyday. I visit Him...often...in my dreams.

With this letter, I speak to you. Through the Heavens, I speak to you. Through dreams, I speak to you. Through your family, and friends, I speak to you. Through the angels that watch me through the day and night....I speak to you.

Listen.

I know you listen.

Keep listening. Hang on to those...they are real and true.

I love you mom.

Love,
Holden

Lennon turns TWO!

2010-07-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

{i wrote this the day after lennon's birthday. Just haven't posted it yet.}

Two years ago {yesterday} my life changed forever.

Lennon Jay Nilsson was here!

I will forever be grateful for what this little guy has brought to our family.

Man do we love him.

Lennon buddy, you have changed me for good. You make me want to be a better person. You are my motivation. Through all of this craziness with your brother, you have been the one who has pulled me through. You truly make me happy. I remember when I was in the hospital and hadn't seen you in a while, when you would walk through those doors you would bring tears to my eyes.

I love you... with all of my heart and more.

Thank you for being you. I love your hugs and kisses. I love it when you throw a fit and your fake cry... I really can't help but laugh in your face. You are a stinker. I love how you try to make everyone laugh. Your sense of humor is already genius. I love how you are starting to say full sentences and how you can understand me. I love when you try and help. I love how much you love balls... really Lennon, you are abnormal. I can't wait to watch you someday. You are going to be one heck of an athlete. I love how much you changed my life. I love how you make me feel. Nothing will ever come close. I love how you already love your brother and you haven't even met him in person. He is one lucky dude to follow in your footsteps. Lennon you are one of a kind and we are lucky to have you. I thank heavens every day for you.

love you more and more each day

xoxo

5 weeks and four pounds...

2010-07-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

{isn't he sweet?}

Holden is now 5 weeks and some.

He is also just a little over four pounds and gaining every day. It is so nice to see some meat on his bones. He is really so sweet.

He is still on the high flow nasal cannula and they have been trying to ween him down. He didn't like it at first and they were having to keep him at four liters. The nurses noticed that he may have acid reflux and that could be why he isn't able to tolerate less oxygen. I noticed that as well. During every feeding toward the end he seemed to have a harder time breathing because he was trying to keep his food down. After noticing that {i guess it is extremely common in all babies} they started him on prevacid which helps to control that. After they started him on that medication he seemed to do a lot better and they were eventually able to ween him to three liters. We are now waiting for him to ween to two and they might get brave and try that today. He was on two and a half on Sunday and had to go back up to three after five hours. I think it wore him out. He was also a little swollen and seemed to be retaining more fluid than normal. They started him on a diuretic so he could pee that off and it seemed to be working. He is less swollen and it is also easier to breathe. They did an ultrasound of his heart yesterday because he was swollen and turns out he had more fluid then they wanted and it was a good thing they started him on the diuretics. They are going to have a heart doctor come look at him on Thursday to see if we should continue with the diuretics or if he has shed most of the fluid and it is okay to discontinue. His heart seems to be fine, they just want to be sure. I don't know how I feel about that. I guess a little nervous. I just want my little guy to progress and eventually get out of there. Right now it is his oxygen. I pray that he will tolerate the lower flow and is able to come off that quickly... you can pray too ;) As soon as he is down one more liter then I can start breast feeding.

Other than his oxygen he is doing great. He is able to tolerate his feedings and gain weight appropriately, he is also able to maintain his own body temp, he is alert when he should be, etc. Everyday that passes I become more and more attached. I love Holden and pray he will continue to hang in there. Thank you all for your support. Please keep him in your prayers. I know that is what is pulling this guy through.

thanks again.

3 weeks and counting

2010-07-13T10:03:00.000-07:00

Holden is now three weeks and two days old. I honestly can't believe that was three weeks ago. Holden is doing well. I know that your prayers are helping and I appreciate them more than you will know. Please keep it up. Last post I mentioned he had an infection. Turns out he responded well to the anti-biotics and the infection is gone. What a blessing. He is no longer jaundice, he is on full feedings with full amount of calories which is great. He is gaining weight every day. He is getting big fast and I love it.

He now weighs 2 pounds 12 ounces.

He is still tiny but I will take what I can get :) He is still on the nasal cannula and still in need of assistance that way. They say it is very common in preemies to need oxygen. I honestly can't complain. Every day I just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. I continually remember how lucky I am to even have this little fighter. We are so so blessed. Please keep our little Holden in your prayers. They are going a long way and we are going to be forever in debted to you all.

Thank you.

In the meantime, I have been thoroughly enjoying my time with Lennon and B. Here are some pics of these last three weeks.

{It has been so nice being out of a bed}

**o ya... we finally moved completely out of our house in West Jordan and are now Alpiners, thanks to my parents.

{another BIG blessing}

** one more thing... B deferred a year for law school. Too much going on right now. We just need to get back on our feet and we will stress about that next year :)

these nut jobs went on that

fun was had by all!

oh and I can't forget my Lennon...

check him out.

cute little guy.

2 weeks down

2010-07-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

holden lloyd

{isn't he precious?!}

I have been meaning to update but my life seems to be insane lately. Holden turned two weeks on Sunday. In a way it seems like it is going by fast, but on the other hand, it seems like a year. I feel like I already know him so well.

As far as Holden goes, he is doing exceptionally well. He is on a nasal cannula still. I am shocked. I thought that he would bounce back to the ventilator but so far he is shocking us all. He is pooping and peeing like he should, they did his ten day brain scan and everything came back NORMAL. No brain bleeds!! {Those are extremely common in preemies} I was so glad to hear that. He is on his full feedings and tolerating them well. He is gaining weight and already passed his birthweight. He lost a lot of weight there in the beginning. I desperately wanted him to start gaining. He is just so so small... cute but small. These last couple of days he has had a little set back.

He got an infection.

They caught it fast and were able to start him on antibiotics. I am just hoping that can clear up soon and am crossing my fingers all will be okay. It truly is a roller coaster. The nurses and doctors are still pleased with his progress and they say in spite of his infection he doesn't seem to act sick. He is still responding normally. The one thing that was kind of frustrating was they were taking him off the high flow cannula and going to put him on the regular cannula, but with his infection he needed to be put back on the high flow. I still can't complain. I feel so blessed that he has been able to hold his own. Honestly, it is shocking. I was talking to one of our favorite nurses, Linda {all the nurses are great, I just love how Linda takes special interest in Holden} and she was saying that they were not expecting Holden to do nearly as well as he is. She said that it was extremely abnormal. I will take it!! I know this is going to be one crazy ride and we have already had one bump in the road, hoping that it will pass soon with no permanent damage, but all in all I fell blessed to be able to watch my little one grow. I love him. He is a special spirit already. I know that he is doing well because of all the love and support people have shown. He has so many people praying for him.

Please continue to pray. He needs them.

I will always feel so indebted to you all. I will definitely keep everyone updated on a more regular basis. I am just trying to figure out how to balance everything. Lennon is doing great and so is B. We really can't complain. Thanks again for your positive vibes! Please keep up those prayers.

holden lloyd nilsson

2010-06-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

Holden Lloyd Nilsson

June 20th, 2010

2 pounds 5 ounces

It has been one week since I had my sweet little Holden and let me tell you, it feels like a year. It has been one crazy week. It is so nice to be home and hug and kiss Lennon all day. I missed that so much. At the same time, I yearn for my little guy. Leaving the hospital to come home was interesting to say the least. I was so excited to get out of there and never ever sleep there again, but I was also leaving my baby... fighting for his life. Wow... it was hard. I guess I should start at the top. I have so much to write I honestly don't know where to start.

Well, it all started Saturday evening {June 19th}. I was really uncomfortable and started bleeding quite a bit. I was having irregular contractions all day and knew something was different. My body was trying to tell me something. I let all the nurses and doctors know that I could sense a change and to keep a close eye on me. As the evening rolled in my contractions were beginning to be more and more consistent. As night came they were every five to ten minutes and wouldn't let off. B was sleeping and I was trying to do the same but it was hard... I was a little uncomfortable. It was frustrating because with my situation the doctors were hesitant to check me because that would cause infection or possibly even put me into labor so it was basically my call. I remember laying there, rubbing my sweet little baby inside my belly and just hoping that we would be able to fight through this. I knew he was ready to come. I prayed all night long that I would know what to do. That I would know how to direct the doctors and make sure I was making the right decision.

At around 6:00 am I told B to get ready because the baby was coming. I just knew it was time. Right after that the doctor came in and asked what I thought. I told him I knew it was time and I am ready. Because I was so sure he decided to check me. Sure enough.... I was ready. 100 percent effaced and at a four. The doctor seemed a bit stunned and looked at the nurse and said, "oh ya... she is ready. good decision."

As soon as he said that... BAM! Three nurses and an anesthesiologist were right by my side. Before I knew it, I was being told to roll over and a little poke and there was the epidural. After that they rolled me in my bed down the hall to the operating room. B following in his all white suit. I can only imagine what he was thinking. I could tell by the look on his face and his sweet little rubs that he was a bit nervous to say the least. They finally got me to the operating room, right next to the NICU and started the c-section. It was not what I expected. Sure enough after ten minutes baby was here. I didn't get to see him because they rushed him right in the hands of the NICU staff. There they began to stabilize my sweet baby. B was in and out... room to room. In one room his sweet boy was being surrounded by nurses and doctors, and in the other room his wife's insides were all ripped out :). I honestly think I lucked out there. I don't know if I could have handled that. He did great. He was so concerned about me and at the same time so worried about his little one.

As soon as they finished with me, they wheeled me back to my room... my cell for the past month and a half, and once I got in there I lost it. I want to loose it right now even thinking about it. I finally melted down. I couldn't do that the whole time because I didn't want to stress the baby out. I took a look around and realized that hell is done. That chapter of my life is over and I am now beginning another chapter that is going to be just as challenging. I remember B coming in the room and asking about the baby. Asking if he was stabilized. B told me he was. I was more than relieved. I remember telling Holden when he was in my belly and I was in the hospital that I would fight as long as he would do it with me. All I wanted was for him to be stabilized. For him to have a shot. When B came in and told me that I think I asked like ten times. I just wanted to hear it over and over again.

Holden was stabilized.

B told me that he had blood in his tummy and lungs but they were working on getting that out. My placenta had ripped away from the uterus and that is what caused the bleeding. That is also why it was a really really good thing I told the doctors it was time. I could have bled out and Holden probably wouldn't have made it if I had waited any longer. Anyway, after I had a total breakdown and couldn't even speak... {I really couldn't wait to do that} the anesthesiologist came in and literally told everyone to quit talking to me and that I needed to sleep. I hadn't slept all night. I also couldn't calm down. I literally freaked out. The doctor then had to knock me out through an IV. I was gonzo. It was probably a good thing. I think that is the only thing that calmed me down. The anesthesiologist stayed by my side after that for about another half hour. He was so so so sweet. He was the best and was so encouraging the whole time. He was literally the best. I also know his kids and maybe that is why he took special interest in me. Whatever the reason, I was grateful. I remember waking up from being knocked out and the doctor that had delivered Holden walked in the room. I just remember crying again and thanking him for everything. Thanking him for taking care of me and also for getting my little guy out as fast as possible. He was tearing up as he was watching me cry and expressing my gratitude for him. Those doctors are truly a blessing.

Finally I was stabilized and was able to go see my little baby. They wheeled me, in my bed, into the NICU to go check him out. He was a small lump of heaven... truly. He looks so much like his brother. So sweet. I asked the nurses if B and my Dad could give him a blessing and they were more then happy to let them. What a sweet experience. I love both of those men.

Holden was on the ventilator that first day. I was expecting that so it wasn't really shocking... what was shocking is the next day he was already off of it. All he had was a nasal cannula blowing oxygen through his lungs. He was doing really well. They also got all the blood out and were able to maintain good blood pressure and a strong heartbeat. They weaned him off all meds for his blood pressure. They also thread a feeding tube down his nose and into is belly. They had him on antibiotics just in case he gets an infection of any sort.

I love him.

So it has been a week and it feels like a year. Holden has been doing remarkable. Doctors are stunned by how well he is doing. I know that the NICU is a major roller coaster and we may have our ups and downs, but this weeks was a good one. Holden is a fighter. He is keeping up his end of the deal. I couldn't be happier. In fact, I feel so in debt to the Savior. I feel so lucky that my little one has a chance. What a blessing. I know I need to update more and I will. I want to keep everyone posted on my little one.

This experience has been unreal. The hospital stay was definitely the lowest of lows for me. I honestly can't believe it even happened. It was one of the most trying times of my life. Lots of tears, prayers and strength. It took every ounce of me to stay sane. Although this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, I feel like I am a different person because of it. I feel like my relationship with my Savior is that much stronger. In my darkest hour I know he is there and understands how I feel. He sent people to me in the hospital that I would have never expected, to lift me up. And they did. I had many nights by myself experiencing some of the craziest spiritual experiences of my life. God is mindful. He does hear mine and others prayers and is real. I feel those prayers. It is almost tangible. I feel I will forever be changed. I am more than grateful to those who have sent nice thoughts and prayers. I don't know if you realize how much it means to me and our family. What a blessing it is to have so many people pray for us. I truly am grateful and ask that you please keep them coming. My baby is doing better than I imagined and I pray he continues to fight. I love him. Thank you all for your prayers.

Thank you

I will keep you all posted on Holden.

I, on the other hand, am doing great. I love being home with my family again and I love even more the time I have with Lennon. I want to be at the hospital all day and all night but I know he is in the best of hands and someday I can be with my Holden and Lennon at the same time.

a real miracle...

2010-06-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

its me, farrah, rachel's sister. im going to be posting and updating you all on rachel, b, and baby holden. oh, our sweet little baby holden.

last night, rachel starting bleeding. she started contracting as well. all through the night the bleeding never let up and her contractions became very consistent and painful...about every 5 minutes. the staff kept a really close watch on her and the baby, and about 6am the doctor came through the door and told rachel she has a choice to make.

after praying all night through her contractions, she felt strongly that there really wasn't a choice and that her little holden needed to join us. the doctor checked her and she was dialated to a four and completely effaced. he looked at her and told her how right she was and they took her in immediately for the c-section.

in fact, moments before the doctor even walked through the door, rachel told B to get ready cause little holden will be arriving shortly. not 5 minutes later, the doc came in. what a true miracle too, that rachel felt that intuition and followed through with it. she very well could've ignored it and they could've waited, but when the procedure was done they informed us all that if holden had not come at that very second he did, things would've been....much different.... thank you rachel for your strong will to follow your heart...and listen.

they performed the c-section, with B in the room. as soon as they saw little holden's bumb, they asked B to come have a first look at his new precious fighter. i think B is still in shock from the whole scene, but what a strong solid person he is. he has taken this all in, and been there. been there for rachel....especially there for rachel...physically, mentally and emotionally. bouying her up and keeping her alive, and breathing. i love you b...so much. i couldn't be more grateful for you, to be the one to hold rachels hand through all of this and be so so strong. wow. that's why i have a really special place in my heart for you. you have taken such good good care of my very best friend...our sister...and daughter. we love you. thank you.

as soon as rachel was through, they wheeled her back to her room, and as she entered the room, she went into hysterics...much deserved if you ask me. she freaked out. the doctor literally came in and tranquilized her. she kept saying 'wow'...'wow'...'that was so so so hard'. it was....and that phrase is an understatement.

she fell asleep. finally. she fell asleep. she was snoring. finally. she was resting. i was so happy to walk in the room and see her with her mouth gaping open...snoring under her oxygen mask. i cried. i was crying before then, but i cried when i saw her asleep. finally, she can sleep. but only for a time. she woke up, came too, and never stopped talking...can't blame her.

during that time of rachel's rest, the doctors and nurses were working on little holden. getting all his tubes, monitors, ventilators, and everything else going, to get him stabilized. the one word rachel has been asking to hear, praying her little heart out to hear...that one crucial and life-changing word. stabilized. it came. he is stabilized.

he is stabilized. he swallowed a lot of blood, so the first few seconds of his life were focused on that. getting all that sucked out and under control. it is under control. his lungs look good, and looking better and better by the minute. his heart is strong. his brain looks perfect. he has already peed...his kidneys are working well, and as for his oxygen levels, well, they aren't having to assist him with that as much as they anticipated. he looks perfect. his skin is very pink, he is perfect from head to toe, his muscle mass is great...squirming a lot more than normal...which is really really good. looks like a really small newborn:) he weighed in at 2 pounds 5 ounces, surprisingly large...considering. and thats for real. that is very good for his gestational age...27 weeks and 4 days. miracle.

i know this is long, and it may just get longer. when i walked into the hospital room and saw rachel sleeping, the spirit overtook me, and i could literally feel my heart swell. the room was so quiet. so calm. everyone around her had wet faces with tears, weeping. but quietly. everyone in there own Heaven...literally. that little hospital room was one very sacred room...at that time. as rachel layed there, i sobbed. i thought to myself...your done rach. that is done. no more of that...rach. i sobbed some more, quietly, and looked at her again and thought, wow, i never knew such a strong bond existed...between sisters. it took everything not to stroke her head or hold her hand. it took everything not to wake her. i can honestly say that rachel is the toughest person i know. what she has been through, and conquered so far, i still can't wrap my mind around. to see her at her lowest, but stay so strong...and fight...the only word i can think of is insprirational. truly. to see her fully submit herself to the Lord, and submit the future to Him, yet stay faithful and fight for her wish, her prayer, her most desired gift of all, is truly a miracle in and of itself.

rachel, i can't find the words...i can only say thank you. thank you for being who you are, fully and completely, always. you are unbelievably strong. brave. and tough. so tough. we love you so much. i know what you would wish for me to say right now. and i will...right now.

this is what i hear rachel saying if she were to write right now:

everyone: family...friends...acquaintances...neighbors....strangers...everyone...thank you for your prayers. thank you so much. if i could ask one more thing from any of you who have tuned in to our long and difficult journey...please keep praying...for my little holden...please. we feel them, and i know he does too. that is all we can do...and i beg of you to join us in calling to the heavens in prayer, for him. i promised him while i held him in my tummy all those long days and nights, that if you fight, i'll fight. you fought, and i'm still fighting, and im asking you to all join in the fight...and pray pray pray. i love you all so so so much. thank you, everyone. thank you.

ps...everyone who wishes to join us in fasting tomorrow for our new precious arrival, please know you are more than welcome. thank you again and again!

ill keep posting, until rach feels up to it.

Still here... and pregnant

2010-06-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

So... Yesterday was a little crazy.

Started my day with a perinatologist appointment and got to see baby. She was concerned that I may be in pre-term labor. I have been having painful contractions and bleeding. I didn't think they were going to do anything about it and just let me go into labor, which that is the plan, but they wanted to start me on Magnesium and also give another "rescue" round of steroids for his lungs. I knew that was a sign that they thought I was going to have my baby soon.

So they gave me the steroid shot and then the magnesium. Magnesium was unbelievable. It feels like someone just injected you with the gnarliest flu. It made me so nauseous I threw up all over... poor b. He was holding the bag and trying not to vomit himself {now it is kind of funny}. I felt like I had been sunburned so bad. Unno when your laying down in bed after a good day in the sun and you get roasted and you can feel the heat coming off your body? That is what it feels like along with stomach and headaches. So all in all... that stuff is awesome. The reason they gave me the magnesium wasn't to stop labor, it was to help baby. It has been proven to help brain development in babies that are in the NICU.

I ended up going all night.
No baby.

I had stuff connected to every single limb. I didn't sleep so good but hey, one more day is great. The peri came in this morning and basically said they thought for sure I was going to have my baby last night. She also explained the magnesium and what it does. It was nice to hear that they are taking whatever measures they need to in order to give baby best case scenario. I know that a 27 week old baby is scary but like I have said this whole time, I have no control over this and I have no choice but to think positive until I am handed something otherwise.

As of now we are just waiting to see how my body reacts. If I go into labor, they won't stop it. If I go a few more days, they will do another round of magnesium... man o man. So I will try to keep everyone updated and please keep praying.

O and we like the name Holden.

So keep our little Holden in your prayers.

XOXO.

27 weeks...

2010-06-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Man o man...

It has been two weeks since the last update. Sometimes I get overwhelmed re-hashing the past two weeks. All in all it has been uneventful and really really tough. I am hanging in there but some days I want to just give up. Now that I am a little further a long, it is a lot more motivating to stay here and stay down. Those first few weeks of 'viability' were the scariest. I am glad to say we are on our way to 28 weeks. Even though being in the hospital has been extremely trying, all of the not knowing and so forth, I have had some amazing experiences that I know I have benefited from for the rest of my life. It has been confirmed to me numerous times that God truly does have his hand in this and sometimes that is the only thing that keeps me sane. Submission.

I am still having kidney stones {on both sides} which really sucks. I am paranoid at anytime I will pass them. It is probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The other day I had one trying to pass, the same one that has been bothering me, at noon and then that same day I had it happen around 3 in the morning on the other side. It really was hell. The next morning {yesterday} I woke up really really sore from all of the kidney trauma and realized I was bleeding a lot. My contractions started picking up and becoming more painful and bleeding was also a concern. I went to the Perinatologist today and she explained it could be signs of labor and they are going to really watch closely and just react when they have to.

As for the baby, he looks good. His bladder was full and normal which means he is swallowing some pockets of fluid and able to pee that out. Kidneys are fine along with the brain. The heart was strong and had a great heartbeat although she was concerned because there was a little more fluid around the heart then normal. I am trying not to freak out and she told me not to worry yet, and just to let her worry about it. Ya right. I wish I could just numb my brain. So they are doing a bunch of blood tests today to see what is causing that. I don't really know what to think other than to pray hard and try my best to hang in there.

I just got interrupted... they are going to give me magnesium right now and another shot of steroids just in case I have the baby in the next 24 hours or so. I will keep you all posted here shortly.
Please pray pray pray

25 weeks and a day...

2010-06-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I last updated. Things at the hospital aren't too exciting. I am still just hangin out in bed hoping for the days to pass. I hit 25 weeks yesterday and it has been three weeks today since my water broke. I am still leaking fluid everyday and I consider that a good thing. This little guy's kidneys are functioning and I am hoping he is getting some of that for his lungs.

I haven't had any real problems while being here except a kidney stone. It was insane. I have never felt that much pain in my life!! After a few episodes of it trying to pass and literally paralyzing me, they finally decided to hook me up to an IV so if it came back they could quickly hook me up to morphine. It hasn't been fun but I am surviving.

I have been able to see Lennon a few times a week and that honestly makes my day. He is the best. I am so so so excited to be able to run and pick him up again. I really can't wait. B and I are praying to get to 26 weeks and then after that, 28 weeks. 28 weeks is a big deal so that is our "long term" goal for now. It is only three more weeks. Crazy that it has already been three weeks since all this craziness happened.

I am trying my very best to stay positive. I will be honest, it is so stinkin hard. I have to really focus and pray that I can maintain a positive attitude because I really don't know what is going to happen. I can't sit here and drive myself crazy over something I can't control, but trust me, it is hard. I am lucky to have my family. They have been so great by coming by and visiting me.

I love them.

I am so grateful to friends and family who have shown support and who have been praying. That is all I can ask for right now. Please just keep praying.

I will keep on top of updating. I am hoping nothing too exciting happens these next few days.

Pray for 28 weeks!

good days and bad ones

2010-05-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Well it is Friday!!

It is nice knowing the days are going by. Some are definitely better than others but they continue to go by. Yesterday, for some reason, I struggled. I wasn't feeling to hot {emotionally} and it is hard to keep a dry eye. I had a kidney stone episode again and then some contractions so they hooked me up to the monitors permanently to watch the baby. It is a love hate thing.
Stresses me out.

Becca brought Lennon down yesterday and he hung out for two hours! I was shocked. Man o man I miss that person. That was the best two hours of my week. I feel that no matter what happens, Lennon is going to get me through. Honestly. He makes everything better. I love that I have him.

I speak with the doctors everyday but nothing too exciting. They just tell me what I already know and that is basically to try and stay pregnant. Folks, I am doing the best I can! I am shooting for 26 weeks right now with a long term goal of 28 weeks. Any day after 28 weeks I will be stoked. I know baby needs fluid for his lungs and I am doing all I can to help him with that but all in all it is kind of a crap-shoot. :) The only thing I can do to make his chances of survival better is try and relax, stay positive and get through just one day at a time. Today I woke up and had to force myself to rid those feelings of poor me and buck up. So far it is working and I think the days will be much more pleasant if I can just stay positive. So for now I have two goals...

- take it one day at a time and pray for two weeks at a time.

- try and stay as positive as I can, for baby's health, my sanity and to help b out.

Those are it for now. In the meantime, I ask you to please continue to pray. We need prayers. It is going to be a long road.

I will keep you posted if anything exciting happens

as for now, I am trying to find an XBOX 360. I think that will keep both B and I sane.

perinatologist

2010-05-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

I went and saw the perinatologist today and she did an ultrasound. We got to see this little grom. He is still going strong, although there is still little to no fluid. I knew that was going to be the case because I had a huge gush yesterday {which is good because it shows baby is still producing fluid}. She checked his brain, heart, kidneys, and bladder and said they all looked really good. She also commented that his "tracking" looks really good. I asked what is "tracking" and it was his heartbeat. I will take it! She also weighed the baby and he weighs 1 pound 7 ounces. He has gained 4 ounces since the last ultrasound which also is a good sign. Honestly at this point I will take what I can get. Risks are still high but I will take any good news they can give me. They can't check on the lungs through an ultrasound but the longer this guy stays in me, the better. We won't know how well the baby's lungs are developing until he is here so we are just praying for the best. His limbs are also so cramped so we are also praying those can form normally. That too we won't know until he comes. I am planning on taking this two weeks at a time. Every two weeks is a milestone for us. It has already almost been two weeks {tomorrow} since my water broke. That is reassuring. It seems to have gone by kind of fast... believe it or not.

And last but surely not least, please keep us in your prayers. We need them now more than ever. It has been overwhelming hearing of all the people praying for us. I will never take that for granted and I can honestly feel them. I love you all and will be forever grateful for taking the time to think about our little family.

How lucky we are.

Stay tuned and I will keep you posted quite often... after all, I am just sittin' here :)

ps. b, i love you.

24 weeks

2010-05-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I am back!

{Actually, it isn't that exciting but whatever}

I was admitted yesterday because I made it to 24 weeks. Now the baby is viable, which means, if he was born he has a chance of survival. Still slim, but has a chance. I just met with the docotor and they scheduled for me to go into the perinatologist to check on my fluid levels and also how well the baby is growing. I don't know when I go but I will make sure and update as soon as I find out more.

The doctor was nice today. Phew, what a relief. He said that usually if I was going to develop an infection that would put me into labor, it already would have happened {of course it could still happen but it less likely}. That was nice to hear. He also told me to plan on TEN WEEKS being here. Wow. I would be so stoked if I lasted that long, but man o man how boring. I will just have to pick up knitting or something. Right now I am shooting for two weeks at a time. 24 weeks is scary. I don't want this babe to come anytime soon. I don't feel like he will, but you never know.

In the meantime, I will just be here hanging out so feel free to come by. I am so thankful for my family and friends. What great support. I can honestly feel your prayers and I pray that you won't stop. We need them. I am so grateful for everyone picking up the slack with Lennon. He is my world and I know he is in good hands.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

from the bottom of my heart.

**I will write more when I know more. Please keep praying. Thanks goodness for prayer.

home again

2010-05-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

Well just a litle update for you all...

I am home now. I got home last night. It was kind of my choice and I can go back anytime I feel like I should. When I went in on Monday, they monitored the baby and actually set my due date back four days which was a bummer because that means viability is four days back. The reason why is because I am not sure what my exact due date is. They decided to admit me anyway and start me on steroids and antibiotics because the baby's weight. He was weighing pretty big for how far along they think I am.

So Monday afternoon they got me started and I was meeting with every doctor possible. First was the neonatologist. I never want to have that meeting again. He basically told me every bad thing that could happen and left me with no hope. When he left I told B my heart was physically hurting. Like I thought I needed a pain killer. Nothing has ever felt like that. I understand that my baby doesn't really have a chance right now, but that was a hard discussion. B and I decided we just want to let let nature take it's course until 24 weeks. I don't want to put the baby through hell if he is born right now. At 24 weeks, I will do whatever I can to fight for his life if he is born. I am just praying he can hang in there til at least 28 weeks. The doctors and I seem to be on the same page as far as that goes.

I am hopeful and staying positive. It is hard not having any control over anything. All I can do is lay and really listen to what the doctors say, and pray hard. After that, it is totally in the Lords hands. It has been a true excersise of faith and will continue to be. I am grateful that no matter what the outcome is, I know that we can all be together forever.
What a great blessing.

So the plan going forward is I stay home, in bed until Tues. That is when I am 24 weeks and back to the hospital for some intense care. I am still not contracting and no sign of labor. I will obviously head straight to the hospital if I have any sort of doubt. It gets a little scary sometimes but I am trying to chase that out with a lot of praying. All I can do now is hope for the best and ask all of you to please keep us in your prayers. I really can feel them and am so grateful for them.

So for now its...

Pray pray pray.

I'm overwhelmed.

2010-05-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know how much I can type cause I am borrowing a computer but I just wanted to let you all know, I am still hanging in there. They admitted me yesterday and I might be able to go back home this week and then come back permanently in a few more days. We will see and I will definitely keep you all posted.

I just wanted to quickly write and tell all of you thanks for keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers. I can honestly tell you that I feel them and am extremely grateful. I was and am so overwhelmed with the people who have offered they kind words of support and thoughts. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. What a lucky gal!

Like I said, I will write more details later but just know momma and baby are hanging in there.

Please keep praying.

breathe in... breathe out

2010-05-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

big breath.... well this weekend has been quite tramatic to say the least. It all started Thursday night. I wasn't feeling too good and was headed up to bed to take a bath. When I got up I felt a gush. I honestly didn't think much about it because I had been bleeding the whole time. I told Becca I wasn't feeling too good and that I needed a bath and to lay down. I took some tylenol and went to bed.

That next morning I had a feeling something wasn't normal and that I needed to go in to get scanned. I went in and I could tell right away that it wasn't good. The tech, my sister in law, told me that there was no fluid surrounding the baby. I was in shock and knew that wasn't good. I called my doctor and they told me I needed to get to the hospital asap. I asked B to give me a blessing before we left. I was kind of a mess, but the second B started to talk I felt more at peace. Knowing that either way, I can do it. B said a lot of comforting things but the thing that stuck out most was that the baby won't hurt. As a mom, that is all I really cared about. You don't want to even think about your child suffering. Born or unborn.

We jumped in the car and headed down to the hospital. What a long and dreadful drive. I didn't know what to expect when I got there. Lucky enough, I didn't have to worry about my little Lennon. Dorothy, my other mom:) had him. We finally arrived and they did a bunch of tests. Sure enough, they too discovered there was little to no amniotic fluid surrounding our little one. He did have a strong heartbeat though. Everything else about the baby was normal. All his measurements and everything.

The Doctors reviewed the ultrasound and told me that I have a choice. I didn't know what that meant and I still don't. I told them that I feel like I have no other choice but to keep fighting and hope for the best for the little one. I don't just want to give up on him. I understand I am only 23 weeks and that if I were to go into labor right now they could do nothing to save the baby. It is at 24 weeks where the baby is viable. I also understand that there are a lot of risks with having a baby at 24 weeks. A LOT. But I don't have a choice. I will do whatever I need to. So after talking with the on call doctor, she was in tears, I was in tears, we decided that I go home and stay down and if I go into labor at home to just come back down to the hospital ( I could have stayed in the hospital and been monitored but after knowing there is nothing they can really do, I would rather be at my own house surrounded by my family). She also set up an appointment with a Neonatologist for me to go see on Monday (tomorrow). She said that they were going to run a bunch of test and see if the baby is going to be okay. If they feel like there is a chance they will probably admit me once I am 24 weeks and do whatever they can to keep the baby healthy and still inside of me. I am 24 weeks this Saturday. The problem is the baby needs to have fluid in order for his lungs to form. If I am leaking, that is not good.

The next day my doctor called me. He got me started on antibiotics to prevent any kind of infection (Thank goodness for him) . The other doctors didn't think it was necessary. I don't get that. If I was to get an infection, it would kill the baby and be very harmful to me. So he called that in in the morning and I got started on that yesterday. He also told me to hang in there and to stay positive. He said what has happened is very rare but he has seen it before. He said he didn't want to give me a false sense of hope but he had a patient that broke her water at 19 weeks and ended up carrying til term. That was nice to hear. We could have a miracle baby. Who knows? The sac surrounding the baby could possibly heal, which is not likely, but it can happen, and the baby can just keep generating fluids and we could just go from there. That obviously is best case scenario. So if I get admitted into the hospital and things look good they will start me on IVs and possibly steroids to help the baby's lungs . It all depends on whether I can maintain some fluid.

So as for right now, I am laying on the couch with my butt in the air and trying to stay sane. What a roller coaster. I told B yesterday it feels like a really bad dream that I can't wake up from. I worry. I don't want my guy to suffer at all. I don't think I have ever felt this way in my life. It has been very difficult to say the least. Not knowing what is going to happen is torture. I am hopeful, but scared to be. I don't want to be disappointed. I am lucky to already have a son and now when I look at him, I want to cry. How lucky I feel to have him. He is going to save me through this. I am lucky to have B. He has been a rock and I know he is suffering inside. What an amazing husband, friend and father. I love him. I am grateful for prayers. I can feel them today. I am being comforted. I don't know what the future holds but I know I can get through it.

I know I can.

I am grateful for that. I know my situation calls for miracle and I am hopeful for that. It is going to be a crazy ride these next few months but I am glad I can be surrounded by those that I love. I will try to update as much as possible. Please keep us in your prayers. They are much needed and appreciated.

5 Questions

2010-05-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

So my good buddy from highschool started this cute blog idea and I love it. She asked me to participate and of course I did.
Today happen to be my lucky day.:)

I think this is a fun catchy thing. You all should check it out. Here is her link

www.5qs4u.blogspot.com

and I dare you to participate, or even nominate people you want to get to know better.
Kind of a fun thing.

aloha...mahalo

2010-04-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well folks... we were there and now we are back...

that fast.

Here are some photos from our lovely vacation.

{enjoy}

first time ever pulling over for a picture by a sign, but couldn't resist.

awesome.

do you folks remember these? I do. Lennon will too.

The crew... minus the best of course

{yours truly, mom and kobie}

ono-ono shave ice= neat

{don't mind my posture or that slight gut}

***nuff said***

We like it... a lot.

We had a blast. Most importantly Lennon loved it. He made the trip just that much better.

I basically just had to chill the whole time but it was still a blast. My mom and dad were so generous. We sure do owe them. We were so glad to have been able to spend some time with them.

Kobie and Alix became professional baby watchers and Becca made the best servant :)

I only had to go to the hospital once while I was there!

{it really wasn't that awesome, but everything turned out okay... I will update below}

B only lost his wallet once

My dad didn't loose his car keys

and mom was a peach the whole time.

I loved this trip and I sure do love my family. B, especially you. Thank you everyone for putting up with my partial-bed-rested self. We are half way there... hopefully.

***Update***

So I am now 21 weeks along. This last week I went into the doctor for an ultrasound to check on the little guy and everything looked perfect.

He was PERFECT.

Wow, what a relief and a blessing. They were however concerned because I look like I am partially placenta previa along with a side of a sub-chorionic bleed. Awesome, i know. Good news is it is pretty common to have that at twenty weeks. It will most likely move once the baby grows. I am praying it does. My tear is still there but looks like it is healing. I am still experiencing bleeding which sucks cause I never know what it means when it starts.

Doctor was concerned a bit and he was very honest with me. It was actually a relief. He basically said that I was still at risk for a miscarriage and if I were to miscarry it would be best to do it between now and twenty four weeks. He would hate to see a baby at 25 weeks due to all the problems.

I totally agree.

So I am convinced I will make it past 24 weeks and when I do I just need to be really careful. My doctor said he would be shocked if I made it to my due date, but my body does some pretty shocking things so we will see.

I am hanging in there. Life is crazy but good. B is deciding on law school and looks like no matter what, we are outta here. He will have to leave before me and start school cause I am too high risk, but I will join him as fast as my body will allow. Bless his heart. All in all, we are hanging in there. This next 6 months is going to be remembered to say the least!

I will keep you {whoever you are} posted.

18 months plus...

2010-03-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

{ I got these pictures done for a charity in Dec. I love them}

Lennon Jay Nilsson
18 Months
Height 33.75 inches 87%
Weight 21.63 pounds 5%
Head 19.9 inches 98%

** I thought these were hilarious. I have a tall, skinny boy with one huge noggin!

as for my update... everything remains the same. Doctor said baby's heartbeat sounds perfect and I just need to lay low. Life has been interesting not being able to lift my little one. It is crazy how much you CAN'T do when you are told not to lift your out-of-control toddler.

Hopefully it will pass.

In better news, B,Lennon and I are off to Hawaii on Monday. I would rather sit there then here :) Hopefully all goes well.

ba dum CHHHHHHHHH!

2010-03-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

I know, I know it has been forever. For some reason this blog stresses me out. I do use it for documenting my life but when I get so behind, I don't know where to start.

...

2010 has been eventful to say the least

...

First things first, we had an amazing Christmas and New Years. B and I both said we thought this was one of the best! We got to hang out with both families and Lennon is now such a fun age. We really did enjoy it.

...

After the holidays I did something really stupid... I was reaching in the backseat of my car because Bajio had spilled everywhere and I was trying to clean it up while driving. (I know genius.) As I came up from digging in the backseat, we were off the road and starting to roll.

It was horrible.

I just remember looking back at Lennon and trying to reach back and brace him. It was horrible to see the terror in his eyes, but I think it was equally horrible knowing that B was following us and watching the whole thing. Well, we only rolled onto the side of the car and I was trying to get out so that B knew we were okay. Sure enough, B came running up in a panic pounding on the window and was then reassured that we were okay. Finally they (people pulled over to help) pryed the door open and I handed them Lennon and crawled out.

All in all I learned a lesson.

NEVER REACH IN THE BACKSEAT WHILE MOVING. PULL OVER!!

I was embarrassed but grateful we were okay. Lennon didn't have a scratch. What a blessing.

...

Well, since I totalled my car, B had to sell his truck and Farrah and Shawn so kindly gave us Shawn's civic for B to drive. I can't tell you how grateful we are for them and their graciousness. I don't know if they know how much that really means to us.
In the meantime, B and I bought another Jeep. This one is a bit different. It is a Commander. We like it, but it is bitter sweet. I was so mad I had to even buy a car, but we really are so blessed to have such an amazing family. That helped a lot.

...

B got his LSAT score back and did well. He has applied to several schools and has been accepted to almost all that he has applied for. We are just waiting on a few more to see where we will end up. I am so proud of B. It has been a long time coming.

...

Last but surely not least... I am pregnant.

I know, crazy.

We are excited but it is kind of bad timing. I will have this baby right after we move for school (if we have to move). It has been a difficult pregnancy. I hesitated to tell anyone I am pregnant because it has been so difficult. I had some complications and went into the hospital knowing for sure I was miscarrying. Sure enough, they still saw a heartbeat! I honestly was shocked. I was already prepared to give this little one up, but sure enough it was alive and well.

The doctors explained that I had what is called, Placental abruption. I had no idea what that was until now. My placenta has partially ripped away from the uterine wall causing a lot of bleeding and cramping. The doctors informed me that it was pretty common in pregnancy, but mine is just a little more severe than normal and I basically had a fifty-fifty chance of it healing. Because my chances weren't too good, they told me I had to stay down and lift nothing. Because I have Lennon I have been staying at my parents so that my mom can help me with him. She has been an angel.

This all started a little over a month ago.

I am still being told to stay down, still bleeding a bit, but I am hopeful.

The baby is amazingly perfect. Heartbeat is perfect. Everything looks normal.

Amazing.

Oh and ITS A BOY!

I couldn't be happier. I wanted a brother so bad for Lennon. Now all I need to do is sit on my butt and hopefully he will get that brother.

...

So this year has been nuts so far and I don't think it is going to slow down. So far we have been so blessed. We are lucky.

I will post pictures later.

neglection

2010-01-25T11:16:00.001-08:00

wow I have neglected this thing.... I will post later today or tomorrow folks. Just know we are alive and breathing.

So much to catch up on... I need to prepare myself :)

rylee.jo.olmstead

2009-12-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

I am a proud little auntie today. Farrah had her baby yesterday. I was with her all day and it was so great. I was so lucky to be able to be apart of them bringing that sweet angel into this world. There is nothing like childbirth. Really.

Farrah did such a great job. She honestly didn't even push. I was shocked. Shawn was so stoked to see his little daughter. I think watching his reaction made me loose it. He was so sweet and proud of both his wife and new little daughter.

Rylee was absolutely perfect. She looks just like her sister Raegan. I was lucky enough to be the photographer and the cord to the camera isn't at my house. As soon as I get it I will be happy to post pictures of that little angel.

Shawn, Farrah, Rae and Evy

...

Congratulations!

***post post.... her name isn't Rylee. I am an idiot. It's Mayci Jo! Farrah even told me that was what it was and I sure did write Rylee! ha ha ha. That is funny. I am not deleting this post cause it is hilarious.

{mom, I told you I was losing my mind}

post, post, post...little Mayci jo.

more pictures to come.

isn't she great?!

comic

2009-12-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

Just a quick funny story....

Yesterday I was visiting this boutique that I am selling my clothes in. It is like a charity type thing. They are trying to raise money for a little boy who is sick. There was a photographer there selling quick sessions for 20 bucks, so I thought, "I'll get pictures of Lennon!" So he sat in the chair all ready to go. He had a little audience and was loving it.

He loves attention.

Because he loves attention so much, he started whacking himself in the head and then looking around to see if it made people laugh.

Of course it did.

So of course he just continued on. This has been a new thing. He did the same thing at church last Sunday. He loves to entertain people already. Even though this is a strange way of doing so, I LOVE IT! The best are others reactions... first a little worried, then followed by a laugh.

He gets a thrill out of making people laugh already. Sounds kinda like his mom. Lets just hope he stays sweet. ;)

{Pictures will be posted shortly}

wheeler farm

2009-11-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

Hey there!

I just thought I would post about a boutique I am doing this weekend.

Saturday, November 21st

10:00 am - 3:00 pm

Wheeler Farm

6351 S. 900 E.

There is 50 other vendors that will be there.

I am not sure all of them but I know Usborne Books will be there, and from what I have heard those are amazing books for kids

{thanks magz}

Laura Trinnamen and Tiff McQueen are doing it with me.

Laura is selling really cool antiqued pictures of the temples and Tiff is selling her hats.

{www.nannyhats.blogspot.com}

{www.genevieveclothing.blogspot.com}

It should be a good time. I am actually surprised by how many vendors that will be there.

So once again,

if you are reading this,

you and all your buddies, mothers, sisters, etc. are invited!

15 months

2009-11-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

Lennon showing off his new hat

Lennon Jay Nilsson

15 months

4 percentile weight

35 percentile height

96 percentile head :)

I love every single ounce of this grom

clothing party!!

2009-11-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

Hey ya'll... I am hosting a house party this week.

If you are reading this, YOUR INVITED!!

Friday, November 6th

...

6-8:30 pm

...

1612 prospect Lane

Alpine, 84004

Here are the links... check it out

http://www.genevieveclothing.blogspot.com/

http://www.nannyhats.blogspot.com/

*** scroll down for a multiple, multiple post.... I have been a slacker***

Also, I am posting new designs on my clothing blog so be sure to check it out.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T21:09:00.000-08:00

Joseph and Maggie invited us to their Halloween Party.

It was a blast!

This cracks me up.

Please don't mind me.

Before all our Halloween celebrations we got to go to the REAL Soccer playoffs.

It was a beautiful day and enjoyed by all.

We had a great Halloween.

Hope you all did too!

witch city

2009-11-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

Grandma Dorothy, Shantell, and Angella invited Lennon and I to go with them to the famous

Gardner Village.

I haven't been there all that much, and surely haven't been there during Halloween. It was great. There were witches everywhere. Lennon didn't know what to think.

I think my favorite part was the pumpkin sugar cookie :)

Thanks Grandma!

outdoors.

2009-11-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

Here is just a little snippet of Lennon in his element.

That kid loves the outdoors

(second to loving B of course).

...

o wait... don't mind HIS hairclip

cornbelly's

2009-11-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

This year Lennon and I got to experience Cornbelly's not only once but TWICE! It was my first time going and it was awesome.

Lennon loved it and so did I.

...

Here are some pictures for your pleasure.

lennon, pyper, london and asher.

They had a blast!

Did I mention I laughed my head off seeing Lennon's massive noggin peering over that cart (or whatever you call it).

And of course he spotted a ball... he is a little obsessed.

becca, aspen, grandpa and raegan.

This was where you got to launch pumpkins out of a massive cannon.

Brought me back to my good ole' days. :)

Here is the rest of the crew.

Thanks Mamma Dorothy and Mom and Dad Hofheins.

Lennon and I loved it.

...

until next year cornbelly's.

ooooga boooooga!

2009-10-31T13:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!!

I have been a serious slacker when it comes to the blogging world. I have so much to post so please stay tuned.

** plus, I have new clothing that is AWES!! I will post asap. I am hosting a house party NOV. 6th so mark your calendars. There will be some cute cute stuff.

1612 Prospect Lane

Alpine, 84004

6:00-8:30

More on this later.

In the meantime....

OOOOOGA BOOOOOOOGA!!

my ever growing h.e.a.r.t.

2009-10-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

today was much needed...

I got to go out with some of my favorite people... Farrah and Becca. It really was a pleasure being with you two. I loved every second of it.

But before this...

I was with Lennon. Just like everyday! But for some reason today was different. I just love that little man. My heart grew more today for my little Lennon, (i really didn't know that was possible) but I felt a physical growth in my chest.

I love him.

I was upstairs working on some clothing and Lennon was just minding his own business. I could hear him chatting up a storm all by himself. I turned around and across the room, behind the coffee table, he had his favorite blankie (thank you Suzie), draped over his head and playing underneath with toys. It was his own little fort. My heart grew... my oh my it grew.

Later today we were downstairs and I was throwing him the ball and he would run and get it and throw it right back. He thoroughly enjoys this. Well, I tossed him the ball and it rolled under the desk. He looked at me for the go ahead and of course he got it. So he crawled under the desk and grabbed the ball and went to stand up and ... BONK! He hit is 95th percentile (head) really hard. He looked at me kinda confused and a little sore. I just said, "It's okay... c'mon! Get the ball!!" so he sucked back all his tears and grabbed the ball. He was almost out from under the desk, and BONK again! This time it wasn't his whole head, just a portion, which is really painful. After this happened, he looked at me and his lip started quivering. He really didn't want to cry but it HURT! I could tell that one hurt. As his poor mouth was quivering I crawled over to him and with more sympathy and said, "Oh man, you okay?" and he let go. He started to cry along with vigorously rubbing the back of his head. My heart really did grow. I love him.

The other day I was on my phone. It was a very important phone call and Lennon could tell... that is why he was fussing the WHOLE TIME. I didn't know what to do. I tried everything. Last resort was me making tight-lip Arden mouth (i am being way too polite, we all really know what that is called;) and mouthing to Lennon to BE QUIET!

He laughed. He laughed hard.

Right in my face! I was dying. Carma. I think the last time someone was mad like that was my photo teacher in high school when I locked him in the darkroom door... he came out with blue veins in his neck and guess what? I laughed. In fact, i think I peed my pants. hmm. Carma?

Life is going to be interesting. That was my first dose of a little Rachie. Not sure what the future holds but I do know this.... I never thought I could ever love something as much as I love him.

It sure feels good.

s.k.a.t.e.

2009-09-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

Lennon's first skate....

He wasn't that interested...

maybe when he is ten.

blank stare

2009-09-15T10:33:00.001-07:00

Lennon stayed like this for a good 5 minutes...

until he finally crashed.

He makes me laugh more and more as the days go by.

xoxo

Aspen Hofheins

2009-09-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

Chad, Angie, and Aspen

Aspen herself. She was smiling until last minute, then she pulled this {above}

Aspen, Grandma Hofheins

The best Grandma-Great Grandma in the world.

Chad and Aspen

Aspen was Baptized this last weekend.

It was so good to be there. I can't believe she is already eight.

...

Congrats Aspen.

...

We love you.

...

new blog

2009-09-08T14:43:00.001-07:00

So I finally got around to creating a new blog. I made it so I can start selling my clothes on there and keeping this more of a normal blog {if you know what i mean}. I will be updating the new blog with new things that I have made. So add me on your little list!

here it is....

Drum roll...

okay.

www.geneVieveclothing.Blogspot.com

Please stop by and say hi.

I am so new at this and I am sure there will be some improvements, but as for now, this will work just fine.

g.i.r.l.s. & b.o.y.s.

2009-09-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

So as you can see, I am making clothes again. I actually really enjoy what I am doing. I am taking it day by day and trying not to go too crazy. I just ordered a bunch of stuff this week and got it in so I am able to now take orders and also create a ton of stuff.

I am in the middle of creating another blog and also an online store so bare with me. If you happen to see anything that you are interested in please feel free to comment. I would be willing to ship things or meet up and swap right now while I am waiting to set something up. I am in the middle of making samples and taking them around to boutiques to sell. It is going to be fun. I am excited.

As for some of your questions...

All the clothes come in most sizes and most common colors

Payment can be worked out {either we can meet or do check in the mail... whatever is easiest until I get a paypal}

Pricing is as follows-

The ribbon striped hoodie $28.00

The Random Striped hoodie $23.00

The Robot striped hoodie $28.00

The Cardigan- $18.00

Tees- $14.00

Onesies- $12.00

golden slumbers

2009-09-03T14:21:00.000-07:00

Golden Slumbers fill your eyes

Smiles awake you when you rise

Sleep pretty darling do not cry

And I will sing a lullabye

John Lennon, Paul McCartney

m.o.r.e.

2009-08-21T14:23:00.000-07:00

I know... I know.

Here is more my friends.

I personally love all of them...

You should too. :)

**plus... they fit so stinkin cute. I will have kids model them for you. They really do fit perfect!

more little treats...

2009-08-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Here are some more little gems I have made... let me know if you want any!

They are going quick folks!

well, not too fast... but unno what I mean.

hidden treasure

2009-08-11T12:13:00.000-07:00

I came across these beauty's and thought to share with all of you.

....

My dad

....

Not quite sure why,

actually, i think it was the helmets on horses, or maybe just the whole ensemble,

but these made me laugh.

Dad, you are one genius.

Mom you are onelucky gal.

love you both.

look out mom... the next one might just be you

07.30.2009

2009-08-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

Well Folks, I can't really believe it, but I officially have a ONE YEAR OLD.

It is really hard to believe that I have been a mom for a whole year already. I was talking to B and saying how it feels like last month when I had him.

I still feel so new at this.

One year ago my life was changed forever. No one could have ever prepared me for what was in store.

Friends and Family

Obviously on his birthday I just couldn't help thinking back to the day that I had him. It was nothing but a miracle. I am and was so amazed at how much I could instantly love one single person. Something changes when you have a kid. I remember thinking a few months after I had him... What did I ever live for before? It sounds crazy but it is true.

...

I love being able to revisit life again through a child's eyes. I was telling Farrah that the other day. I forget how great childhood really was until I get to see it again for myself, experience it all over again.

Lennon has been such a great blessing and will continue to be. I feel lucky to be his mom.

I really do.

I am glad I have a husband who feels the same way. Lennon is a total daddy's guy. He loves B. When he walks in the door from work, Lennon literally lunges out of my arms for B.

I love it.

Some of the things he can do at the age of one are...

Crawl

Climb

Says Dad and sometimes Ma Ma

Says Truck... He loves trucks already

Says Dog... loves dogs too

Says Uh-Oh

Loves Laughing... He will laugh until he has hiccups almost every time.

Stands on his own

Makes a car noise with his mouth when he is playing cars

Plays Hide-and-Go seek with B... he really does. He hides and waits for B to find him. Then screams.

Head Butts everyone and thinks it is the greatest

Loves the water

Doesn't love Milk... I hope that changes but I didn't love it either. Still don't.

Fake Laughs

Fake Coughs

Doesn't Cuddle unless he is tired

Loves the car

and... Continues to be the best of the best

...

Bule brought him this amazing Monster Cake. Thanks Larry.

I guess my point is, I love my little man. He is the greatest thing that has happened to me so far (aside from B :). I hope Lennon never forgets how much his parents love him.

I am lucky to have the chance to be his mom. I think this last year was honestly one of the best in my life and I owe it all to L man. I am excited for many more years to come.

Lennon buster... I love you.

**Keep on scrolling... I made another multiple post post. :)