two months and some!

**so I wrote this last week and didn't post it cause I wanted to add more pictures but I thought I probably should post it now and more pics will come soon!**

man-o-man

I sure need to update. It seems like so much has gone on and I have no time. I have been back and forth to the hospital twice a day now and it is crazy to say the least. We have been busy around here.

Holden is doing great. He is now two months and a week! I can't believe it has been that long. Time really has flown by. So much has changed since the last post. First things first, We have met with the Cardiologist twice now for his heart and function is.... drum roll....

NORMAL!

He is still on the meds but what a relief that things are normal. He didn't end up having Parvo. That was a false positive. Phew. I have a love hate relationship with false positives. The doctor is pretty optimistic that Holden will just grow out of that heart problem by his first year. Obviously she can't promise, but she anticipates that he should be just fine. I will be honest, I have been stressing about that so it has been nice to hear Normal function. I will take it.

He has also been moved to "nursery B". That is where they put all the stable babies that just need to grow. He has been there for a couple of weeks and doing great. Just one step closer to home.

Holden got his eyes checked a second time and they are normal. No eye problems. That is a big one.

His oxygen needs are now down to a quarter of a liter and may need to come home on a trace. He seems to be improving quickly.

He also got another brain scan and still no bleeds. What a great relief.

Holden is now on the "feeder grower" plan and is now taking his feedings three times a day orally. He has been doing great. Taking full feedings almost every time. Because he is doing so well with it, they say he has about a week!!! Can you believe it?! I can't. I am so so excited, but also sad. I have grown to really love his nurses and feel like they are family. It is going to be intimidating leaving but it will be so nice.

Holden also got to meet his big brother! It was hard to choke back the tears. There was just something about seeing the two of them together. Something I honestly didn't see happening. It was another testament of how lucky we really are. I feel so blessed. Lennon loves his brother. When he sees pictures of him he points and says, "Brother!" . So sweet. He got to hold him and rub his head and right before he left he gave him a little kiss on the forehead. Man I love that boy.

Holden now weighs

6 pounds and 15 ounces!!

He really is growing so fast. I love it.

So as you can imagine life as been great... busy but great! We feel so blessed and feel so lucky to have an opportunity to be with Holden. What a miracle. Truly. I pray he will continue to do well and keep surprising everyone!

In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of the past week.

This picture cracks me up... This is Holden's two month photo. I showed up one morning to find this picture on a poster made by Linda (one of our favorite nurses/people). It made me laugh for a good half hour. amazing.

Smile

So sweet.

All of these pictures were taken by the NICU photographer, Linda ;) We love her and are going to miss her

She was one of Holden's primary nurses.

6 weeks

Holden graduated into a crib this last week.

What a big boy!

Look at those cheeks. Can't wait to kiss them off!

sweet little holden...

I can't believe it has been six weeks already. It really has flown by. Here is a little update on our little guy.

He now weighs...

4 pounds 12 ounces!

He is chunkin out big time. He has had kind of an interesting week. It is a long story but I will try and do my best to sum it all up. Holden was retaining more than normal fluid. He was starting to swell up a little so the Nurse Practitioner decided to start him on a diuretic to help release some of that fluid and then also get an ultrasound of his heart to see how that was. Turns out that in the ultrasound there was a little bit of fluid surrounding his heart. Because of that they continued the diuretic to release some of that fluid and they also scheduled an appointment for a cardiologist to come down and check out his heart. Well, the cardiologist came and found that his heart wasn't contracting as hard as she would like. She called it a "low normal". Because that is concerning she started him on a med that will help his little heart contract harder and in turn release some of that fluid. I asked her how long he would be on the medicine for his heart and if it was treatable and she said that he could be on it for a year and that babies usually do grow out of it. She explained that it isn't very common but she has seen it plenty before and knows how to treat it. That gave me a little peace of mind. I have sort of been a stress case because no one wants to hear that their baby has a heart problem, no matter how big or small, it is scary.

Well turns out that the cardiologist wants to keep Holden on that med for a year now because it is working so well. Within four days on the medicine they noticed a big improvement. I was shocked that he would need it for a year, but as long as he can grow out of it, I am fine. I am praying that he will be able to grow out of it. They ran a bunch of blood tests on him to see what the cause was. All of the tests came back negative but a couple. One was a low normal and not too concerning because they can supplement what he needs and it is no big deal, the other was a negative positive for parvo. They said that if he has it, he will most likely just grow out of it and it won't cause any real harm because it would have already done that and they would have noticed. His symptoms don't show that he has had any struggle. So they are running a few more tests to see if he has it or not. Either way, there is nothing they can do for it and I will have some answers as to why his heart has this problem. I am still praying it comes back negative. The strange thing about all of this is that Holden would have had this problem with his heart regardless, whether it be now or if he was born full term. In fact the doctors told me that it would have probably gotten a lot worse if he was born at 40 weeks. Crazy.

I am glad the medicine is helping his heart and I pray that it will continue to help him and that he will really grow out of this. It is an uneasy feeling but overall I think he will be okay. Other than his heart he is doing great.

He is starting to do non-nutiritive feeding {that is where you pump everything out before you breastfeed and just see if they can latch on}. Holden did really well. In fact he did so good that he was able to suck 9mls the third time we did it. I guess that is really impressive knowing that breast feeding is one of the hardest hurdles in the NICU. Holden handled that like a rockstar.

The eye doctor came and looked at his eyes and said they look great. Just a little premature but everything looks normal. Phew!

He has another appointment with the cardiologist this week just to check up on him. I am pretty optomistic at this point and I pray that she will be as well when she comes to check him out.

Thank you all for your prayers and please know we love them and need them.

We were told that Holden is out of the most critical time which is nice. I am anxious to see what these next few weeks bring. Like I said before, I pray that he can continue to progress. So far just one bump in the road and we are still cruisin. Please keep up those prayers.

Thank you and we will keep you posted.

{scroll down a little for Lennon's 2 year birthday post. Man I love him.}

Hi mom...

its me...Holden. I need to tell you a few thing, but because I cant speak for myself, I have asked someone to help me out.

Mom...thank you.

Thank you for sacrificing so much of you...for me. Thank you for giving me life, and not giving up. Thank you for hanging on...all those days and night, alone in that room, but not really alone, cause I was there and so was Heaven. Thanks mom, for believing in Heaven. And believing in me.

Thank you for whispering to me, encouraging me, and promising me. Thank you for loving me so so much, without even meeting me. And for loving me MORE and MORE every time you look at me.

Thank you for being with me, and taking care of me. Thank you for being strong enough to leave me, with others to care for me, so that you can care for our family. I know thats hard. Thank you.

Thank you for holding me close...so close. Close enough for me to feel so safe, and loved. So close to hear your heartbeat - the beat that sang to me, that sings to me...peace. The very beat that feels at times it may burst, with the most intense love this earth has to offer...a mothers love.

Thanks for being so tough. So brave. For showing me how to have courage. How to be humble. Hopeful. Grateful.

Thank you, mama, for being so grateful for me. Im not perfect. I never will be. But I know in your eyes...I am...and always will be. I know you will always be grateful for me. Just to have me. Here. With you. With our family...our eternal family.

Thank you for your fight, mom. Your fight is my fight.

Please, mom, please know that our Father loves you and will lift you through this. Call on Him. Whenever you need. He is with you. He hears you. I know....because I hear Him. Everyday. I visit Him...often...in my dreams.

With this letter, I speak to you. Through the Heavens, I speak to you. Through dreams, I speak to you. Through your family, and friends, I speak to you. Through the angels that watch me through the day and night....I speak to you.

Listen.

I know you listen.

Keep listening. Hang on to those...they are real and true.

I love you mom.

Love,
Holden