its me...Holden. I need to tell you a few thing, but because I cant speak for myself, I have asked someone to help me out.
Mom...thank you.
Thank you for sacrificing so much of you...for me. Thank you for giving me life, and not giving up. Thank you for hanging on...all those days and night, alone in that room, but not really alone, cause I was there and so was Heaven. Thanks mom, for believing in Heaven. And believing in me.
Thank you for whispering to me, encouraging me, and promising me. Thank you for loving me so so much, without even meeting me. And for loving me MORE and MORE every time you look at me.
Thank you for being with me, and taking care of me. Thank you for being strong enough to leave me, with others to care for me, so that you can care for our family. I know thats hard. Thank you.
Thank you for holding me close...so close. Close enough for me to feel so safe, and loved. So close to hear your heartbeat - the beat that sang to me, that sings to me...peace. The very beat that feels at times it may burst, with the most intense love this earth has to offer...a mothers love.
Thanks for being so tough. So brave. For showing me how to have courage. How to be humble. Hopeful. Grateful.
Thank you, mama, for being so grateful for me. Im not perfect. I never will be. But I know in your eyes...I am...and always will be. I know you will always be grateful for me. Just to have me. Here. With you. With our family...our eternal family.
Thank you for your fight, mom. Your fight is my fight.
Please, mom, please know that our Father loves you and will lift you through this. Call on Him. Whenever you need. He is with you. He hears you. I know....because I hear Him. Everyday. I visit Him...often...in my dreams.
With this letter, I speak to you. Through the Heavens, I speak to you. Through dreams, I speak to you. Through your family, and friends, I speak to you. Through the angels that watch me through the day and night....I speak to you.
Listen.
I know you listen.
Keep listening. Hang on to those...they are real and true.
I love you mom.
Love,
Holden
precious
7 comments:
man o man farrah. thank you. I needed that. love you.
love you too. i feel so helpless and wish i could do more for you. i just want you to know how amazing i think you are and how often i think about and pray for you and holden. if there is anything i CAN do, please ask. hang in there, rach. love you guys!
couldn't have said it better farrs. i have some awesome sisters :)
Farrs, thankyou and that was beautiful. Holden spoke through you. Rachel, this I know you can do. You are an amazing young woman and always have been. Please know that when I talk to you and think of you it is with a positive, nurturing, unconditional, boundless love for you. Maybe I am too positive but I truly feel that Holden is going to get through this and we are all learning and learning from eachother. Keep your mind open and find the peace you need because I know that God loves you so so much. Even more than me and I cannot fathom that. I would give my life for each one of you and I have already given a big chunk. Hang in there and know my advice is said with the most unconditional you know. Mom
Rachel- So I hope you don't mind me stopping by your blog, after seeing you at Aaron's funeral I was thinking, hmm what has she been up to? So to say the least I had NO CLUE what you have been going through!! I just spent like an hour reading through your experience with you and your new baby! Wow I am so glad he is here and you are doing well. You are so amazing to survive all this!! I will definitely keep you and your sweet baby in my prayers!
You're the greatest Farr's! Love you both!
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes becuase I know that Holden felt those things. He knows how much you love him! He is lucky to have you and B as parents!!! I am going through withdrawls from Holden but I know he is loved so much and that you guys are having a wonderful reunion!
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