home again

Well just a litle update for you all...


I am home now. I got home last night. It was kind of my choice and I can go back anytime I feel like I should. When I went in on Monday, they monitored the baby and actually set my due date back four days which was a bummer because that means viability is four days back. The reason why is because I am not sure what my exact due date is. They decided to admit me anyway and start me on steroids and antibiotics because the baby's weight. He was weighing pretty big for how far along they think I am.

So Monday afternoon they got me started and I was meeting with every doctor possible. First was the neonatologist. I never want to have that meeting again. He basically told me every bad thing that could happen and left me with no hope. When he left I told B my heart was physically hurting. Like I thought I needed a pain killer. Nothing has ever felt like that. I understand that my baby doesn't really have a chance right now, but that was a hard discussion. B and I decided we just want to let let nature take it's course until 24 weeks. I don't want to put the baby through hell if he is born right now. At 24 weeks, I will do whatever I can to fight for his life if he is born. I am just praying he can hang in there til at least 28 weeks. The doctors and I seem to be on the same page as far as that goes.

I am hopeful and staying positive. It is hard not having any control over anything. All I can do is lay and really listen to what the doctors say, and pray hard. After that, it is totally in the Lords hands. It has been a true excersise of faith and will continue to be. I am grateful that no matter what the outcome is, I know that we can all be together forever.
What a great blessing.

So the plan going forward is I stay home, in bed until Tues. That is when I am 24 weeks and back to the hospital for some intense care. I am still not contracting and no sign of labor. I will obviously head straight to the hospital if I have any sort of doubt. It gets a little scary sometimes but I am trying to chase that out with a lot of praying. All I can do now is hope for the best and ask all of you to please keep us in your prayers. I really can feel them and am so grateful for them.

So for now its...


Pray pray pray.

I'm overwhelmed.

I don't know how much I can type cause I am borrowing a computer but I just wanted to let you all know, I am still hanging in there. They admitted me yesterday and I might be able to go back home this week and then come back permanently in a few more days. We will see and I will definitely keep you all posted.

I just wanted to quickly write and tell all of you thanks for keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers. I can honestly tell you that I feel them and am extremely grateful. I was and am so overwhelmed with the people who have offered they kind words of support and thoughts. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. What a lucky gal!

Like I said, I will write more details later but just know momma and baby are hanging in there.

Please keep praying.

breathe in... breathe out

big breath.... well this weekend has been quite tramatic to say the least. It all started Thursday night. I wasn't feeling too good and was headed up to bed to take a bath. When I got up I felt a gush. I honestly didn't think much about it because I had been bleeding the whole time. I told Becca I wasn't feeling too good and that I needed a bath and to lay down. I took some tylenol and went to bed.

That next morning I had a feeling something wasn't normal and that I needed to go in to get scanned. I went in and I could tell right away that it wasn't good. The tech, my sister in law, told me that there was no fluid surrounding the baby. I was in shock and knew that wasn't good. I called my doctor and they told me I needed to get to the hospital asap. I asked B to give me a blessing before we left. I was kind of a mess, but the second B started to talk I felt more at peace. Knowing that either way, I can do it. B said a lot of comforting things but the thing that stuck out most was that the baby won't hurt. As a mom, that is all I really cared about. You don't want to even think about your child suffering. Born or unborn.

We jumped in the car and headed down to the hospital. What a long and dreadful drive. I didn't know what to expect when I got there. Lucky enough, I didn't have to worry about my little Lennon. Dorothy, my other mom:) had him. We finally arrived and they did a bunch of tests. Sure enough, they too discovered there was little to no amniotic fluid surrounding our little one. He did have a strong heartbeat though. Everything else about the baby was normal. All his measurements and everything.

The Doctors reviewed the ultrasound and told me that I have a choice. I didn't know what that meant and I still don't. I told them that I feel like I have no other choice but to keep fighting and hope for the best for the little one. I don't just want to give up on him. I understand I am only 23 weeks and that if I were to go into labor right now they could do nothing to save the baby. It is at 24 weeks where the baby is viable. I also understand that there are a lot of risks with having a baby at 24 weeks. A LOT. But I don't have a choice. I will do whatever I need to. So after talking with the on call doctor, she was in tears, I was in tears, we decided that I go home and stay down and if I go into labor at home to just come back down to the hospital ( I could have stayed in the hospital and been monitored but after knowing there is nothing they can really do, I would rather be at my own house surrounded by my family). She also set up an appointment with a Neonatologist for me to go see on Monday (tomorrow). She said that they were going to run a bunch of test and see if the baby is going to be okay. If they feel like there is a chance they will probably admit me once I am 24 weeks and do whatever they can to keep the baby healthy and still inside of me. I am 24 weeks this Saturday. The problem is the baby needs to have fluid in order for his lungs to form. If I am leaking, that is not good.

The next day my doctor called me. He got me started on antibiotics to prevent any kind of infection (Thank goodness for him) . The other doctors didn't think it was necessary. I don't get that. If I was to get an infection, it would kill the baby and be very harmful to me. So he called that in in the morning and I got started on that yesterday. He also told me to hang in there and to stay positive. He said what has happened is very rare but he has seen it before. He said he didn't want to give me a false sense of hope but he had a patient that broke her water at 19 weeks and ended up carrying til term. That was nice to hear. We could have a miracle baby. Who knows? The sac surrounding the baby could possibly heal, which is not likely, but it can happen, and the baby can just keep generating fluids and we could just go from there. That obviously is best case scenario. So if I get admitted into the hospital and things look good they will start me on IVs and possibly steroids to help the baby's lungs . It all depends on whether I can maintain some fluid.

So as for right now, I am laying on the couch with my butt in the air and trying to stay sane. What a roller coaster. I told B yesterday it feels like a really bad dream that I can't wake up from. I worry. I don't want my guy to suffer at all. I don't think I have ever felt this way in my life. It has been very difficult to say the least. Not knowing what is going to happen is torture. I am hopeful, but scared to be. I don't want to be disappointed. I am lucky to already have a son and now when I look at him, I want to cry. How lucky I feel to have him. He is going to save me through this. I am lucky to have B. He has been a rock and I know he is suffering inside. What an amazing husband, friend and father. I love him. I am grateful for prayers. I can feel them today. I am being comforted. I don't know what the future holds but I know I can get through it.

I know I can.

I am grateful for that. I know my situation calls for miracle and I am hopeful for that. It is going to be a crazy ride these next few months but I am glad I can be surrounded by those that I love. I will try to update as much as possible. Please keep us in your prayers. They are much needed and appreciated.

5 Questions

So my good buddy from highschool started this cute blog idea and I love it. She asked me to participate and of course I did.
Today happen to be my lucky day.:)

I think this is a fun catchy thing. You all should check it out. Here is her link

www.5qs4u.blogspot.com

and I dare you to participate, or even nominate people you want to get to know better.
Kind of a fun thing.

aloha...mahalo

Well folks... we were there and now we are back...

that fast.

Here are some photos from our lovely vacation.

{enjoy}

first time ever pulling over for a picture by a sign, but couldn't resist.

awesome.

do you folks remember these? I do. Lennon will too.

The crew... minus the best of course

{yours truly, mom and kobie}

ono-ono shave ice= neat

{don't mind my posture or that slight gut}

***nuff said***

We like it... a lot.

We had a blast. Most importantly Lennon loved it. He made the trip just that much better.

I basically just had to chill the whole time but it was still a blast. My mom and dad were so generous. We sure do owe them. We were so glad to have been able to spend some time with them.

Kobie and Alix became professional baby watchers and Becca made the best servant :)

I only had to go to the hospital once while I was there!

{it really wasn't that awesome, but everything turned out okay... I will update below}

B only lost his wallet once

My dad didn't loose his car keys

and mom was a peach the whole time.

I loved this trip and I sure do love my family. B, especially you. Thank you everyone for putting up with my partial-bed-rested self. We are half way there... hopefully.

***Update***

So I am now 21 weeks along. This last week I went into the doctor for an ultrasound to check on the little guy and everything looked perfect.

He was PERFECT.

Wow, what a relief and a blessing. They were however concerned because I look like I am partially placenta previa along with a side of a sub-chorionic bleed. Awesome, i know. Good news is it is pretty common to have that at twenty weeks. It will most likely move once the baby grows. I am praying it does. My tear is still there but looks like it is healing. I am still experiencing bleeding which sucks cause I never know what it means when it starts.

Doctor was concerned a bit and he was very honest with me. It was actually a relief. He basically said that I was still at risk for a miscarriage and if I were to miscarry it would be best to do it between now and twenty four weeks. He would hate to see a baby at 25 weeks due to all the problems.

I totally agree.

So I am convinced I will make it past 24 weeks and when I do I just need to be really careful. My doctor said he would be shocked if I made it to my due date, but my body does some pretty shocking things so we will see.

I am hanging in there. Life is crazy but good. B is deciding on law school and looks like no matter what, we are outta here. He will have to leave before me and start school cause I am too high risk, but I will join him as fast as my body will allow. Bless his heart. All in all, we are hanging in there. This next 6 months is going to be remembered to say the least!

I will keep you {whoever you are} posted.

18 months plus...

{ I got these pictures done for a charity in Dec. I love them}

Lennon Jay Nilsson
18 Months
Height 33.75 inches 87%
Weight 21.63 pounds 5%
Head 19.9 inches 98%

** I thought these were hilarious. I have a tall, skinny boy with one huge noggin!

as for my update... everything remains the same. Doctor said baby's heartbeat sounds perfect and I just need to lay low. Life has been interesting not being able to lift my little one. It is crazy how much you CAN'T do when you are told not to lift your out-of-control toddler.

Hopefully it will pass.

In better news, B,Lennon and I are off to Hawaii on Monday. I would rather sit there then here :) Hopefully all goes well.

ba dum CHHHHHHHHH!

I know, I know it has been forever. For some reason this blog stresses me out. I do use it for documenting my life but when I get so behind, I don't know where to start.

...


2010 has been eventful to say the least

...

First things first, we had an amazing Christmas and New Years. B and I both said we thought this was one of the best! We got to hang out with both families and Lennon is now such a fun age. We really did enjoy it.

...

After the holidays I did something really stupid... I was reaching in the backseat of my car because Bajio had spilled everywhere and I was trying to clean it up while driving. (I know genius.) As I came up from digging in the backseat, we were off the road and starting to roll.

It was horrible.

I just remember looking back at Lennon and trying to reach back and brace him. It was horrible to see the terror in his eyes, but I think it was equally horrible knowing that B was following us and watching the whole thing. Well, we only rolled onto the side of the car and I was trying to get out so that B knew we were okay. Sure enough, B came running up in a panic pounding on the window and was then reassured that we were okay. Finally they (people pulled over to help) pryed the door open and I handed them Lennon and crawled out.

All in all I learned a lesson.

NEVER REACH IN THE BACKSEAT WHILE MOVING. PULL OVER!!

I was embarrassed but grateful we were okay. Lennon didn't have a scratch. What a blessing.

...

Well, since I totalled my car, B had to sell his truck and Farrah and Shawn so kindly gave us Shawn's civic for B to drive. I can't tell you how grateful we are for them and their graciousness. I don't know if they know how much that really means to us.
In the meantime, B and I bought another Jeep. This one is a bit different. It is a Commander. We like it, but it is bitter sweet. I was so mad I had to even buy a car, but we really are so blessed to have such an amazing family. That helped a lot.

...

B got his LSAT score back and did well. He has applied to several schools and has been accepted to almost all that he has applied for. We are just waiting on a few more to see where we will end up. I am so proud of B. It has been a long time coming.

...

Last but surely not least... I am pregnant.

I know, crazy.

We are excited but it is kind of bad timing. I will have this baby right after we move for school (if we have to move). It has been a difficult pregnancy. I hesitated to tell anyone I am pregnant because it has been so difficult. I had some complications and went into the hospital knowing for sure I was miscarrying. Sure enough, they still saw a heartbeat! I honestly was shocked. I was already prepared to give this little one up, but sure enough it was alive and well.

The doctors explained that I had what is called, Placental abruption. I had no idea what that was until now. My placenta has partially ripped away from the uterine wall causing a lot of bleeding and cramping. The doctors informed me that it was pretty common in pregnancy, but mine is just a little more severe than normal and I basically had a fifty-fifty chance of it healing. Because my chances weren't too good, they told me I had to stay down and lift nothing. Because I have Lennon I have been staying at my parents so that my mom can help me with him. She has been an angel.

This all started a little over a month ago.

I am still being told to stay down, still bleeding a bit, but I am hopeful.

The baby is amazingly perfect. Heartbeat is perfect. Everything looks normal.

Amazing.

Oh and ITS A BOY!

I couldn't be happier. I wanted a brother so bad for Lennon. Now all I need to do is sit on my butt and hopefully he will get that brother.

...

So this year has been nuts so far and I don't think it is going to slow down. So far we have been so blessed. We are lucky.

I will post pictures later.