Still here... and pregnant

So... Yesterday was a little crazy.

Started my day with a perinatologist appointment and got to see baby. She was concerned that I may be in pre-term labor. I have been having painful contractions and bleeding. I didn't think they were going to do anything about it and just let me go into labor, which that is the plan, but they wanted to start me on Magnesium and also give another "rescue" round of steroids for his lungs. I knew that was a sign that they thought I was going to have my baby soon.

So they gave me the steroid shot and then the magnesium. Magnesium was unbelievable. It feels like someone just injected you with the gnarliest flu. It made me so nauseous I threw up all over... poor b. He was holding the bag and trying not to vomit himself {now it is kind of funny}. I felt like I had been sunburned so bad. Unno when your laying down in bed after a good day in the sun and you get roasted and you can feel the heat coming off your body? That is what it feels like along with stomach and headaches. So all in all... that stuff is awesome. The reason they gave me the magnesium wasn't to stop labor, it was to help baby. It has been proven to help brain development in babies that are in the NICU.

I ended up going all night.
No baby.

I had stuff connected to every single limb. I didn't sleep so good but hey, one more day is great. The peri came in this morning and basically said they thought for sure I was going to have my baby last night. She also explained the magnesium and what it does. It was nice to hear that they are taking whatever measures they need to in order to give baby best case scenario. I know that a 27 week old baby is scary but like I have said this whole time, I have no control over this and I have no choice but to think positive until I am handed something otherwise.

As of now we are just waiting to see how my body reacts. If I go into labor, they won't stop it. If I go a few more days, they will do another round of magnesium... man o man. So I will try to keep everyone updated and please keep praying.

O and we like the name Holden.

So keep our little Holden in your prayers.

XOXO.

27 weeks...

Man o man...

It has been two weeks since the last update. Sometimes I get overwhelmed re-hashing the past two weeks. All in all it has been uneventful and really really tough. I am hanging in there but some days I want to just give up. Now that I am a little further a long, it is a lot more motivating to stay here and stay down. Those first few weeks of 'viability' were the scariest. I am glad to say we are on our way to 28 weeks. Even though being in the hospital has been extremely trying, all of the not knowing and so forth, I have had some amazing experiences that I know I have benefited from for the rest of my life. It has been confirmed to me numerous times that God truly does have his hand in this and sometimes that is the only thing that keeps me sane. Submission.

I am still having kidney stones {on both sides} which really sucks. I am paranoid at anytime I will pass them. It is probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced. The other day I had one trying to pass, the same one that has been bothering me, at noon and then that same day I had it happen around 3 in the morning on the other side. It really was hell. The next morning {yesterday} I woke up really really sore from all of the kidney trauma and realized I was bleeding a lot. My contractions started picking up and becoming more painful and bleeding was also a concern. I went to the Perinatologist today and she explained it could be signs of labor and they are going to really watch closely and just react when they have to.

As for the baby, he looks good. His bladder was full and normal which means he is swallowing some pockets of fluid and able to pee that out. Kidneys are fine along with the brain. The heart was strong and had a great heartbeat although she was concerned because there was a little more fluid around the heart then normal. I am trying not to freak out and she told me not to worry yet, and just to let her worry about it. Ya right. I wish I could just numb my brain. So they are doing a bunch of blood tests today to see what is causing that. I don't really know what to think other than to pray hard and try my best to hang in there.

I just got interrupted... they are going to give me magnesium right now and another shot of steroids just in case I have the baby in the next 24 hours or so. I will keep you all posted here shortly.
Please pray pray pray

25 weeks and a day...

It has been a while since I last updated. Things at the hospital aren't too exciting. I am still just hangin out in bed hoping for the days to pass. I hit 25 weeks yesterday and it has been three weeks today since my water broke. I am still leaking fluid everyday and I consider that a good thing. This little guy's kidneys are functioning and I am hoping he is getting some of that for his lungs.

I haven't had any real problems while being here except a kidney stone. It was insane. I have never felt that much pain in my life!! After a few episodes of it trying to pass and literally paralyzing me, they finally decided to hook me up to an IV so if it came back they could quickly hook me up to morphine. It hasn't been fun but I am surviving.

I have been able to see Lennon a few times a week and that honestly makes my day. He is the best. I am so so so excited to be able to run and pick him up again. I really can't wait. B and I are praying to get to 26 weeks and then after that, 28 weeks. 28 weeks is a big deal so that is our "long term" goal for now. It is only three more weeks. Crazy that it has already been three weeks since all this craziness happened.

I am trying my very best to stay positive. I will be honest, it is so stinkin hard. I have to really focus and pray that I can maintain a positive attitude because I really don't know what is going to happen. I can't sit here and drive myself crazy over something I can't control, but trust me, it is hard. I am lucky to have my family. They have been so great by coming by and visiting me.

I love them.

I am so grateful to friends and family who have shown support and who have been praying. That is all I can ask for right now. Please just keep praying.

I will keep on top of updating. I am hoping nothing too exciting happens these next few days.

Pray for 28 weeks!

good days and bad ones

Well it is Friday!!

It is nice knowing the days are going by. Some are definitely better than others but they continue to go by. Yesterday, for some reason, I struggled. I wasn't feeling to hot {emotionally} and it is hard to keep a dry eye. I had a kidney stone episode again and then some contractions so they hooked me up to the monitors permanently to watch the baby. It is a love hate thing.
Stresses me out.

Becca brought Lennon down yesterday and he hung out for two hours! I was shocked. Man o man I miss that person. That was the best two hours of my week. I feel that no matter what happens, Lennon is going to get me through. Honestly. He makes everything better. I love that I have him.

I speak with the doctors everyday but nothing too exciting. They just tell me what I already know and that is basically to try and stay pregnant. Folks, I am doing the best I can! I am shooting for 26 weeks right now with a long term goal of 28 weeks. Any day after 28 weeks I will be stoked. I know baby needs fluid for his lungs and I am doing all I can to help him with that but all in all it is kind of a crap-shoot. :) The only thing I can do to make his chances of survival better is try and relax, stay positive and get through just one day at a time. Today I woke up and had to force myself to rid those feelings of poor me and buck up. So far it is working and I think the days will be much more pleasant if I can just stay positive. So for now I have two goals...

- take it one day at a time and pray for two weeks at a time.

- try and stay as positive as I can, for baby's health, my sanity and to help b out.

Those are it for now. In the meantime, I ask you to please continue to pray. We need prayers. It is going to be a long road.

I will keep you posted if anything exciting happens

as for now, I am trying to find an XBOX 360. I think that will keep both B and I sane.

perinatologist

I went and saw the perinatologist today and she did an ultrasound. We got to see this little grom. He is still going strong, although there is still little to no fluid. I knew that was going to be the case because I had a huge gush yesterday {which is good because it shows baby is still producing fluid}. She checked his brain, heart, kidneys, and bladder and said they all looked really good. She also commented that his "tracking" looks really good. I asked what is "tracking" and it was his heartbeat. I will take it! She also weighed the baby and he weighs 1 pound 7 ounces. He has gained 4 ounces since the last ultrasound which also is a good sign. Honestly at this point I will take what I can get. Risks are still high but I will take any good news they can give me. They can't check on the lungs through an ultrasound but the longer this guy stays in me, the better. We won't know how well the baby's lungs are developing until he is here so we are just praying for the best. His limbs are also so cramped so we are also praying those can form normally. That too we won't know until he comes. I am planning on taking this two weeks at a time. Every two weeks is a milestone for us. It has already almost been two weeks {tomorrow} since my water broke. That is reassuring. It seems to have gone by kind of fast... believe it or not.

And last but surely not least, please keep us in your prayers. We need them now more than ever. It has been overwhelming hearing of all the people praying for us. I will never take that for granted and I can honestly feel them. I love you all and will be forever grateful for taking the time to think about our little family.

How lucky we are.

Stay tuned and I will keep you posted quite often... after all, I am just sittin' here :)

ps. b, i love you.

24 weeks

Well, I am back!

{Actually, it isn't that exciting but whatever}

I was admitted yesterday because I made it to 24 weeks. Now the baby is viable, which means, if he was born he has a chance of survival. Still slim, but has a chance. I just met with the docotor and they scheduled for me to go into the perinatologist to check on my fluid levels and also how well the baby is growing. I don't know when I go but I will make sure and update as soon as I find out more.

The doctor was nice today. Phew, what a relief. He said that usually if I was going to develop an infection that would put me into labor, it already would have happened {of course it could still happen but it less likely}. That was nice to hear. He also told me to plan on TEN WEEKS being here. Wow. I would be so stoked if I lasted that long, but man o man how boring. I will just have to pick up knitting or something. Right now I am shooting for two weeks at a time. 24 weeks is scary. I don't want this babe to come anytime soon. I don't feel like he will, but you never know.

In the meantime, I will just be here hanging out so feel free to come by. I am so thankful for my family and friends. What great support. I can honestly feel your prayers and I pray that you won't stop. We need them. I am so grateful for everyone picking up the slack with Lennon. He is my world and I know he is in good hands.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

from the bottom of my heart.

**I will write more when I know more. Please keep praying. Thanks goodness for prayer.

home again

Well just a litle update for you all...


I am home now. I got home last night. It was kind of my choice and I can go back anytime I feel like I should. When I went in on Monday, they monitored the baby and actually set my due date back four days which was a bummer because that means viability is four days back. The reason why is because I am not sure what my exact due date is. They decided to admit me anyway and start me on steroids and antibiotics because the baby's weight. He was weighing pretty big for how far along they think I am.

So Monday afternoon they got me started and I was meeting with every doctor possible. First was the neonatologist. I never want to have that meeting again. He basically told me every bad thing that could happen and left me with no hope. When he left I told B my heart was physically hurting. Like I thought I needed a pain killer. Nothing has ever felt like that. I understand that my baby doesn't really have a chance right now, but that was a hard discussion. B and I decided we just want to let let nature take it's course until 24 weeks. I don't want to put the baby through hell if he is born right now. At 24 weeks, I will do whatever I can to fight for his life if he is born. I am just praying he can hang in there til at least 28 weeks. The doctors and I seem to be on the same page as far as that goes.

I am hopeful and staying positive. It is hard not having any control over anything. All I can do is lay and really listen to what the doctors say, and pray hard. After that, it is totally in the Lords hands. It has been a true excersise of faith and will continue to be. I am grateful that no matter what the outcome is, I know that we can all be together forever.
What a great blessing.

So the plan going forward is I stay home, in bed until Tues. That is when I am 24 weeks and back to the hospital for some intense care. I am still not contracting and no sign of labor. I will obviously head straight to the hospital if I have any sort of doubt. It gets a little scary sometimes but I am trying to chase that out with a lot of praying. All I can do now is hope for the best and ask all of you to please keep us in your prayers. I really can feel them and am so grateful for them.

So for now its...


Pray pray pray.